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WARNING
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DO NOT attempt to penetrate a goose! You WILL kill it! The tissue inside is very delicate and can rupture easily without you even noticing!
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ACCESS
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Geese are very cheap and can be bought for 20 dollars full grown. You will want the biggest and most aggressive geese you can buy. Sex is determined by a process called "vent sexing". IE, you grab the base of the tail and squeeze. If it is a male, you will cause the penis to pop out. If it is a female, you will get her to expose the egg laying vent. Geese can be obtained anywhere. The local newspapers are an excellent source.
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BEHAVIOR
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Let the goose get to know you. Males are rather dominate, so let them dominate you. The idea is not to have him backing down, hissing at you. Get to know the goose first. Once he trusts you, and your good friends, you can do other activities with him!
A few important facts are:
MOUNTING
A goose MUST be able to mount and grab something with its mouth in order to become sexually excited. They don't care what they mount, so long as they can dig in with their feet and grab something with their mouth.
TAIL
A goose cannot orgasm if its tail is not able to bend down.
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HOW TO DO!
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You will most likely want two male geese. A goose will mount anything when it is horny. I have had my geese mount other males and even chickens. So long as they can mount it, and grab a neck, they will climax. By having two males, you can swap one off on the other!
Let me clear up one thing first. From the guys, I am constantly asked "how do you get it in?" Well, YOU DON'T! You can seriously injure a goose if you penetrate it. The tissue inside is very thin and if it ruptures, the goose will die within 24 hours. I know from first hand experience. Due to society and their fucking prejudices against zoophiles, fact files like this were not vailable. I ended up killing an animal out of pure ignorance. Don't let this happen to you! It really hurts to loose a lover like that. Anyway, you are going to have to have "outercourse". This pretty much means you will have to do your thing, while you please the goose. It's tempting, but PLEASE, don't attempt to have intercourse with a goose.
STEP ONE
Lay down a bunch of old towels or better yet, an old blanket in the area you want to have sex in. I am certain you have heard the phrase "like s**t out of a goose!", well, it is true! Geese will go and go and go, and when you think they are finally done, they go some more!
The bathroom is perfect. You need a place that is quiet and well lit. Geese do not have sex in the dark and can be come distracted by outside noises. Lay down completely naked with them, and let them get used to you. Next, grab the mountee (other goose or chicken) and hold him gently. If you make it obvious, the goose will recognize what is going on, and will walk over immediately and attempt to mount the mountee.
STEP TWO
The rest of this file will assume Male geese since there is not much that can be done with a female without hurting her.
Let the goose climb up and settle in. Once the goose grabs the mountee's head and does a few test jerks to make certain he is well situated, sex will begin. At this time, you need to immediately get under his tail, and place your mouth over his opening. Try not to disturb him. If he lets go and just sits there, this means he is nervous and he may not continue.
STEP THREE
The goose will quickly bend his tail down and will hopefully be pushing directly into your mouth. -- BE CAREFUL!!-- When the goose orgasms, the penis will shoot out under a fair amount of pressure. During my learning process, the first time this happened, he moved and I got ejaculate shot up my nose. The second time, I got it shot down my throat and it caused me to choke! (yes, I did enjoy choking on it!)
The goal here, is to position yourself so that he will shoot off into the side of your mouth and into your cheek. This can be difficult, since the goose will be rubbing and twisting his tail around. You must keep your mouth over the opening because you won't know when he will go off. Do NOT get excited and start pushing into his tail. If you get his tail too high, he cannot orgasm.
Sometimes, he will bend down, hold, and just will not go off. If this happens, you can quickly reach up and squeeze the base of the tail and help him go off.
This is NOT recommended, because you can cause him to go off prematurely. If he goes off too soon, he will orgasm, but you will not get any ejaculate.
If all goes well, you will get a quick gentle pop in the cheek. When this happens, you get a very tangy, tasty treat! Nothing is more glorious then hearing the trumpet of a goose when he orgasms! After he orgasms, he will start off with a slow, low pitch quiet scream, which will quickly get loud and raise in pitch. His whole body will shake, and he will rapidly shake his still folded wings. He will then let out 3 or 4 quick high to low pitched screams. Most geese will throw their head back when they orgasm. Others will continue to hold onto the mountee during the whole orgasm. Even if they fall off during the orgasm, they will continue to hold on! Either way, it is exciting and tasty!!
WRAP UP
Geese have a remarkable recovery rate. A horny goose can be ready to go again
Within 2 minutes of his last orgasm. You only get ejaculate once, unless he was still holding a little back from last time. But, he can still get more orgasms. I once had a goose go 5 rounds! Remember to keep his tail covered with your mouth at all times. When they orgasm, they spray ejaculate in all directions due to the cork screw shape. It starts immediately as it pops out, and continues until fully extended. Here is to hoping you and your goose have a lot of fun, warm nights!
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Look for other "how to bird" fact files from your favorite avian birdophile!
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