"The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

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  • feather
    Shanghai ooompa loompa
    • Jul 2004
    • 20895

    "The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

    Someone was asking what's going on on this planet ...

    Bike sex man placed on probation
    A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

    Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

    Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

    Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

    Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

    "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

    "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."


    Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

    Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

    Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

    The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

    He now lives in Ayr.



    The victim:




    i_want_to_have_sex_with_electronic_music

    Originally posted by Hoff
    a powerful and insane mothership that occasionally comes commanded by the real ones .. then suck us and makes us appear in the most magical of all lands
    Originally posted by m1sT3rL
    Oh. My. God. James absolutely obliterated the island tonight. The last time there was so much destruction, Obi Wan Kenobi had to take a seat on the Falcon after the Death Star said "hi and bye" to Leia's homeworld.

    I got pics and video. But I will upload them in the morning. I need to smoke this nice phat joint and just close my eyes and replay the amazingness in my head.
  • pozz
    Fresh Peossy
    • Nov 2007
    • 4

    #2
    Re: "The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

    ... this reminds me of the guy who was forced to marry his goat

    BBC, News, BBC News, news online, world, uk, international, foreign, british, online, service

    Comment

    • poults
      Platinum Poster
      • Nov 2006
      • 1987

      #3
      Re: "The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

      ^^
      they have gone one better now:

      BBC, News, BBC News, news online, world, uk, international, foreign, british, online, service
      Originally posted by Hoff

      ejejejejejejejejeje!!!!! you always delivering some good dogs shits !!! thankyou

      Comment

      • KinKyJ
        Platinum Poser
        • Jun 2004
        • 13438

        #4
        Re: "The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

        Originally posted by pozz
        ... this reminds me of the guy who was forced to marry his goat

        http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm
        That shit happens in Wales on a daily basis

        Comment

        • AntonyM
          DUDERZ get a life!!!
          • Oct 2004
          • 6415

          #5
          Re: "The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

          Gives whole new meaning to the Tour de France.
          Originally posted by Shpira
          So came back last night...
          Sven Vath was amazing...he played a god damn killer set...ended up going to that and came to at like 10 am in some whore house in south Amsterdam...no idea how I ended up there...friday was a bit of a blur got really drunk and visited several parties can't remember a whole lot to be honest hehe...saturday was probably the best day that I recall...started up in the nearest coffee shop and going from party to party...beautiful woman, beer and weed...finished the night by taking some shrooms and listening to an amazing elke kleijn set...sunday...i met a nice girl who worked at one of the coffee shops and ended up talking to her for like 6 hours...was supposed to meet her at some DnB party...but instead went for a steak and walked around red light district bars drinking and smoking...monday took it easy went to a coffee shop and took a taxi to airport....

          All in all...I think I will be going back there some time soon
          Originally posted by Illuminate
          Let me get this straight.

          So white-middle class Americans have been told by their Television sets to be fearful of:

          1. Mexicans/Latinos from the South bringing drugs and killings n' shit.
          2. African Americans cause mos def they are raging a race war and want to occupy America like how the plebs occupied Wall St.
          3. Iranians/Afghans/Any one of middle eastern origin to be quite frank, cause you know Islam...
          4. North Koreans/Chinese cause you know everything...

          Am I close here?

          Comment

          • 88Mariner
            My dick is smaller
            • Nov 2006
            • 7128

            #6
            Re: "The accused was ... moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex"

            so, the cops go into this dudes room, away from public, and arrest him? give the dude a break, he had the decency to be behind closed doors ffs
            you could put an Emfire release on for 2 minutes and you would be a sleep before it finishes - Chunky

            it's RA. they'd blow their load all over some stupid 20 minute loop of a snare if it had a quirky flange setting. - Tiddles

            Am I somewhere....in the corners of your mind....

            ----PEACE-----

            Comment

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