AMERICA IS AWESOME

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  • thesightless
    Someone will marry me. Hell Yeah!
    • Jun 2004
    • 13567

    AMERICA IS AWESOME

    golden....




    A Nebraska teenager, 16 year old Tommy Mason, is getting to live his 15 minutes of fame. Imperial Margarine wants him to be their new spokesperson and they say they?re willing to wait until his trial and jail time is over.
    Tommy was arrested last month on charges of indecent exposure and public indecency. Luckily for Tommy he?s a minor and will only serve four months in a juvenile detention centre. Some think that isn?t enough time.

    ?That?s not what margarine is for?, says supermarket manager Mike Johnson, "And while I don't care what product he uses for pulling his cord, I'd prefer he didn't do it in my store."

    Imperial Margarine spokesperson Bill Simpson agrees but says ?who are we to tell people how to use our product? After all, we sell margarine, not morality.?

    Margarine is increasingly becoming the wank-off lube of choice amongst youngsters as it's cheap, readily available and doesn't carry the same stigma as a fifteen year old buying a jar of vaseline and a skin mag at the wee hours of the morning.


    Tommy says it all started when he saw his high-school crush Naomi Hunters working at the cash. ?She?s a real hottie?, says Tommy. ?I couldn?t contain myself (and) when I saw that margarine I just had to do it.? Naomi says she?s flattered and disgusted by all this. ?But mostly disgusted?, she adds.
    Bill Simpson sees it differently though. ?If somebody wants to slap a big handful of margarine on their unit and pleasure themselves that?s fine with me, but it?s my job to make sure it?s Imperial margarine on their unit and not some cheap store brand.?

    ?We spend a fortune coming up with new ideas every year?, says Simpson. ?This kid just saved us a fortune in marketing.? And Imperial wants to reward Tommy by making him their new spokesperson. Once Tommy is done serving his four months at a Nebraska state detention centre he will be signed to a 3 year contract at $1.5 million dollars per year.
    your life is an occasion, rise to it.

    Join My Chant. new mix. april 09. dirty fuck house.
    download that. deep shit listed there

    my dick is its own superhero.
  • thesightless
    Someone will marry me. Hell Yeah!
    • Jun 2004
    • 13567

    #2
    Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

    bah, wrong forum, my bad :?
    your life is an occasion, rise to it.

    Join My Chant. new mix. april 09. dirty fuck house.
    download that. deep shit listed there

    my dick is its own superhero.

    Comment

    • Garrick
      DUDERZ get a life!!!
      • Jun 2004
      • 6764

      #3
      Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

      i will never look at margarine the same way...
      Should I fuck you at that not until the ass, inject then tremendously hard bumschen and to the termination in the eyes yes?

      Comment

      • thesightless
        Someone will marry me. Hell Yeah!
        • Jun 2004
        • 13567

        #4
        Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

        just think about this the next time you are EATING margarine.....


        oh wait, just remembered the old mayo commercials withthe old italian guy yelling , ""not thick enough" over and over.
        your life is an occasion, rise to it.

        Join My Chant. new mix. april 09. dirty fuck house.
        download that. deep shit listed there

        my dick is its own superhero.

        Comment

        • Garrick
          DUDERZ get a life!!!
          • Jun 2004
          • 6764

          #5
          Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

          you are depleting my condiment resources. please stop.
          Should I fuck you at that not until the ass, inject then tremendously hard bumschen and to the termination in the eyes yes?

          Comment

          • peloquin
            Till I Come!
            • Jun 2004
            • 8643

            #6
            Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

            where did you see this? sounds like something that would come from the onion funny stuff

            Comment

            • Morgan
              Platinum Poster
              • Jun 2004
              • 2234

              #7
              Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

              but it?s my job to make sure it?s Imperial margarine on their unit and not some cheap store brand
              Job of the year IMO.
              "Pain is only weakness leaving the body."

              Comment

              • rewing3
                I really don't care
                • Jun 2004
                • 5504

                #8
                Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                That is hillarious.
                Common Sense is not Common at all.

                Comment

                • picklemonkey
                  Double hoodie beer monster
                  • Jun 2004
                  • 15373

                  #9
                  Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                  [http://www.thegreenrabbit.ca/content/view/198/50]

                  Comment

                  • MJDub
                    Are you Kidding me??
                    • Jun 2004
                    • 2765

                    #10
                    Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                    Now that's a "booming economy."
                    http://www.myspace.com/mjdubmusic

                    You can't have manslaughter without laughter.

                    "Son," he said without preamble, "never trust a man who doesn't drink because he's probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They're the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They're usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they're a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can't trust a man who's afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It's damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he's heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl."

                    Comment

                    • LobsterClan
                      Getting Somewhere
                      • Aug 2004
                      • 133

                      #11
                      Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                      While it is amusing, this story is of course fake, and comes from a fake news source.

                      Right, can you even imagine what sort of marketing campaign Imperial would do with this guy?

                      Comment

                      • Yao
                        DUDERZ get a life!!!
                        • Jun 2004
                        • 8167

                        #12
                        Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                        Having him swing his lubed up unit in a series of Imperial Margarine Asstraffic XXX movies?

                        [chuckle]But then of course...it would all become public the kid needs a pair of tweezers and a manual before he can use it. [/chuckle]
                        Blowkick visual & graphic design - No Civilization. Now With Broadband.

                        There are but three true sports -- bullfighting, mountain climbing, and motor-racing. The rest are merely games. -Hemingway

                        Comment

                        • diskofreak
                          Gold Gabber
                          • Jun 2004
                          • 648

                          #13
                          Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                          Comment

                          • picklemonkey
                            Double hoodie beer monster
                            • Jun 2004
                            • 15373

                            #14
                            Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                            doesn't look 16

                            Comment

                            • diskofreak
                              Gold Gabber
                              • Jun 2004
                              • 648

                              #15
                              Re: AMERICA IS AWESOME

                              he looks so freakin creepy
                              he would whip it out in the grocery store :?

                              Comment

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