Funniest one-liners you heard

[Chez]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

More like vile statments than funny one liners.

[nick007]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

you talk so much shit I don't know whether to give you a mint or toilet paper

[nelinho]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

stands out like dogs balls on a cat.

[audrey_w]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

if only I could reveal who Jib was talking about, that woulda been priceless.

Without knowing who Jib is or knowing who he's talking about maybe it loses a little. More of an in-joke than a one liner?

[audrey_w]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

I went round a friend's house and he said "there's a cup of tea going spare if you want one"

I said "it doesn't look very angry to me"

[trick12]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

"I'll see you when i get my glasses"

[nelinho]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

That's a bit low brow don't you think?

[nelinho]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

I'm as toey as a roman sandal.

[Kamal]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

You're brighter than an Amish electrician at a Power Plant.

[GregWhelan]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

Not really one liners as opposed to chat up lines:

Get your crash helmet - you're going through the headboard.

Are you Jamaican? Cos you're Jamai-can me crazy

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilised?

[gizze]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."


My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him… but I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.


I live near a remedial school and outside there is a sign that says, slow – children; that can't be good for their self esteem.


Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.


Viagra has instructions: ‘Keep away from children’ — what kind of man do you think I am?


If you’re going to have sex with a stranger …. always, always, always ask.


No matter how much you give a homeless person for a cup of tea, you never get that cup of tea.


A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day; she said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, All right, but we're not going to get much done.



In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato; now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

[nelinho]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

Your chin has hit more balls than Don Bradman.

[floridaorange]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilised?

[Alexudis]

Re: Funniest one-liners you heard

According to a survey, over 10 percent of Americans have picked someone else’s nose.