The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

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  • KiwiTollway
    Platinum Poster
    • Jan 2014
    • 1474

    #31
    Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

    @FL, the ranch was very sketchy looking to me and I really wanted to cancel our scheduled rides. That morning, as soon as I woke up, I had a whole conversation in my mind about Christopher Reeves (what the heck?) why? idk... I kept getting the advice to hold on, really hold on tight if anything happens. I don't know if I was being prepared for it or if my thoughts caused it... like I said, I'm kind of psychic, no joke. I didn't tell anyone about this, just went along. (I know better now.)

    The horse and I were climbing a very steep ridge about 12 ft straight up with a sharp right turn on the top of the ridge & we were right behind our guide. I don't know what happened, really, because we'd been climbing shorter ridges all day and it was fine and really fun. We'd been loping and trotting in a field for about 1/2 hour beforehand, all really fun.

    But this time, all I remember is my horse taking a few steps up the ridge & then I was taking flight off the saddle, and the words I'd heard earlier that morning in my mind "hold on as tight as you can" replayed. Then I felt what seemed like a semi ram me in the back so hard all I saw was white. Then, wham again. everything was white & felt like slow motion. I couldn't breathe and felt out of control completely. Then, wham a 3rd time. I said to myself "oh nooooo, one more time and I'm dead." and then he stopped. But I had no air to breathe, felt like every rib had been crushed honestly, and pain was radiating all through my back and shoulders, shocking pain really, and I have a very high pain threshold. Did he lose his footing and buck? Did he feel off balance and buck? Maybe he could make the right turn? I don't know. There were 4 people behind us on their horses and no one could say what happened.

    I had to wait to catch my breath, then I kept asking "What went wrong?" and my instinct told me to get off that horse asap. But I didn't want to ruin the ride for anyone and we all walked to the ranch very slowly. I was sick the rest of the day, really sick.... and in shock emotionally. I think I was also dehydrated because it was a 3 hour ride in the hot sun starting at noon, so I downed 3 whole water bottles as soon as we reached the car. I'd also had a Benadryl beforehand because I'm allergic and that might have dehydrated me as well.

    My husband kept telling me I needed an MRI the next day, but I didn't listen. I'm still really sore and it happened 10 days ago. My back hurts at night primarily, from hip to waist area, unless I stay perfectly still. It felt like such a close call I don't think I'll ever ride again, honestly. Horses are such powerfully strong animals. I just don't ever want to feel that again. I'm really glad I was able to hold on. I think I will see a chiropractor soon.

    I was born with a dislocated hip and had to wear a leg/hip brace from ankle to waist when I was an infant for my first year. The brace kept my legs in a frog position and seeing me restricted like that made my mother very sad. lol The guide we were with was a surgical nurse and she said maybe that had something to do with the pain I felt (she asked me about my skeletal history), but I don't think so.

    That's my scary bucking horse story! lol Thanks for asking. I'm very grateful I can still move around and didn't fall off. I take Aleve or Tylenol before I go to sleep and it helps alot. (I can't really handle any pain meds too well.) I'm more of an all-natural-type human. I've never been to a chiropractor & am I little hesitant to go. I know one thing, I do not want to be braced or I will have serious depression issues I think. (there, brought it back around to this thread. lol)

    Your assessment of ms seems spot on. Will be watchful for a mood and stay away. only human though

    It does seem to me like some people have to wrestle everything to the ground here and kill it sometimes. what is up with that?

    Comment

    • unkle
      Someone MARRY ME!! LOL
      • Mar 2007
      • 10174

      #32
      Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

      Interesting read
      Good example between depression and being sad.
      Sometimes I'm fucking sad, but that doesnt mean
      i am a depressive person. Similar but different.

      Comment

      • floridaorange
        I'm merely a humble butler
        • Dec 2005
        • 29116

        #33
        Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

        Go get an MRI! You are a good writer. But go to the dr. That's scary as hell.

        It was fun while it lasted...

        Comment

        • floridaorange
          I'm merely a humble butler
          • Dec 2005
          • 29116

          #34
          Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

          Originally posted by Micko
          ^ I am glad to hear a diagnosis of schizophrenia wasn't made - that label can haunt a person in terms of lost opportunities in life. First Episodes of Psychosis are treated much much better compared to before and the hope is it doesn't become a full blown enduring psychotic illness. Roughly 1 in 3 people who are diagnosed with schizophrenia make a decent recovery and can go on to live fulfilling lives. The key (as far as I'm concerned) is support and a willingness to talk about symptoms as well as compliance with medication. The medical model certainly prevails in the area of mental health but slowly, very slowly this is evolving. Another crucial point is to support people not to internalise stigmatising statements and this one reason I have so much love for psychotherapy. So many people "give up" in their willingness to embrace life when they receive a "label" such as schizophrenia - this has been coined the "why try" effect and is very powerful.
          Ya, like calling kids ADD.

          It was fun while it lasted...

          Comment

          • trick12
            Are you Kidding me??
            • Jul 2007
            • 4412

            #35
            Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

            wise men say depression is sickness of the soul..

            is when the soul is hungry for something that its not getting..

            so search for what hungers your soul and feed it from it
            Life's pretty fast..blup..blup...We made it!!

            Comment

            • KiwiTollway
              Platinum Poster
              • Jan 2014
              • 1474

              #36
              Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

              Originally posted by trick12
              wise men say depression is sickness of the soul..

              it's when the soul is hungry for something that its not getting...
              There is definitely something to this.

              The soul knows. Music helps & can communicate to the soul in a certain way, as does meditation, help from caring people like Micko, physical activity, nature, brain therapies, and the right chemical balance. Souls are simple & complicated, strong & fragile.

              Hopefully won't read judging from this but..........During a dark period in my life, I took medication for depression, slept all night (8-10 hrs), woke up, got my kids to school, slept until I picked them up (8 hrs), made dinner, chatted with everyone, went back to bed, I slept 18 hrs out of 24, as if 90% of me wanted out of my life while 10% hung in there, mostly for the sake of my kids & husband. Felt like my soul was wrapped in chains. Went to the dr, they increased the meds, same result, chains. I look back now and see I lost years inside what many would consider a 'perfect life.' Never again. I feed my soul joy disregarding anyone's thoughts or opinions. Each individual has preferences for a reason & sometimes those preferences don't fit other's idea of how life should be. In one sense, I know the meds helped save me, in another they ruined me for awhile. (what is it about this place that makes you confess stuff? lol) Judge me if you want, I couldn't care less. I'm alive & happy, and grateful beyond measure for all of it!

              Labeling, well I've had a few myself, still do, that's all a bunch of crap really. We're meant to be unique individuals, not neatly fitting into molds. Creative types especially.

              Comment

              • DIDI
                Aussie Pest
                • Nov 2004
                • 16845

                #37
                Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                Originally posted by trick12
                wise men say depression is sickness of the soul..

                is when the soul is hungry for something that its not getting..

                so search for what hungers your soul and feed it from it
                Music !!
                Originally posted by TheVrk
                it IS incredible isn't it??
                STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
                Simply does not get any better than Hernan
                The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

                Comment

                • Matt Black
                  Addiction started
                  • Nov 2004
                  • 468

                  #38
                  Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                  Originally posted by KiwiTollway
                  There is definitely something to this.

                  The soul knows. Music helps & can communicate to the soul in a certain way, as does meditation, help from caring people like Micko, physical activity, nature, brain therapies, and the right chemical balance. Souls are simple & complicated, strong & fragile.

                  Hopefully won't read judging from this but..........During a dark period in my life, I took medication for depression, slept all night (8-10 hrs), woke up, got my kids to school, slept until I picked them up (8 hrs), made dinner, chatted with everyone, went back to bed, I slept 18 hrs out of 24, as if 90% of me wanted out of my life while 10% hung in there, mostly for the sake of my kids & husband. Felt like my soul was wrapped in chains. Went to the dr, they increased the meds, same result, chains. I look back now and see I lost years inside what many would consider a 'perfect life.' Never again. I feed my soul joy disregarding anyone's thoughts or opinions. Each individual has preferences for a reason & sometimes those preferences don't fit other's idea of how life should be. In one sense, I know the meds helped save me, in another they ruined me for awhile. (what is it about this place that makes you confess stuff? lol) Judge me if you want, I couldn't care less. I'm alive & happy, and grateful beyond measure for all of it!

                  Labeling, well I've had a few myself, still do, that's all a bunch of crap really. We're meant to be unique individuals, not neatly fitting into molds. Creative types especially.
                  So do you feel better now or does the darkness still return now and then?
                  Matt Black

                  https://www.facebook.com/djmattblack/
                  Matt Black (@DJ_Matt_Black) | Twitter
                  https://soundcloud.com/djmattblack

                  Comment

                  • floridaorange
                    I'm merely a humble butler
                    • Dec 2005
                    • 29116

                    #39
                    Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                    Originally posted by trick12
                    wise men say depression is sickness of the soul..

                    is when the soul is hungry for something that its not getting..

                    so search for what hungers your soul and feed it from it
                    Wisdom indeed.

                    It was fun while it lasted...

                    Comment

                    • KiwiTollway
                      Platinum Poster
                      • Jan 2014
                      • 1474

                      #40
                      Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                      Originally posted by Matt Black
                      So do you feel better now or does the darkness still return now and then?
                      Thank you for asking Matt!

                      As bad as things were then (which I hid from everyone), things got better, then took a far more downward turn (& some people gave up on me) and then got even worst (I could have never imagined possible), which I won't go into detail.

                      It's been a steep climb, but I think I'm inhabiting upper levels now, and although I sometimes slip a slight step here or there, if deep darkness & thick fog ever falls upon me again, I've learned how to catch the glimmers of light that are always present, follow those & how to find the clarity. For that, I'm grateful. I feel so much better, there aren't words to describe.

                      We're all fragile & resilient, but maybe creative types/minds have a more vivid [view of] sensing contrast in all forms? And I appreciate more those who've stayed with me on my journey & remain committed to me (astoundingly). Moreover, I really appreciate being needed most of all --by others and by my eternal self. I can't even remember the last time I felt depression, seems like that was a different person who went through all of that.

                      **and how nice to get PMs from here today, thanks so much!! cool people here, really!

                      Comment

                      • ♫♫♫♫♫♫
                        Are you Kidding me??
                        • Nov 2013
                        • 3729

                        #41
                        Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                        Originally posted by Zover
                        Suffering from depression is completey different from being sad for some reason. Most people who suffer from depression never really get cured. You can have the most amazing things happening to you and still suffer from depression. Like anxiiety once it's triggered it never really goes away, people control it through coping strategies. The problem is, there is very little known about the brain and the way it works. The main treatment for depression is medicines that alter the chemistry of the the brain.
                        Kind of like Robin Williams, he had all these great things in his life, house, wife, wealth but he couldn't escape the darkness of depression. I reckon his was probably triggered by his years of drug taking though. If you play chemistry with your brain week in week out there is a good chance there will be consequences.

                        Comment

                        • Krystyan
                          Platinum Poster
                          • Oct 2004
                          • 1049

                          #42
                          Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                          Buy8wy9IQAA0HVL.jpg
                          https://www.facebook.com/YEGworld

                          Comment

                          • floridaorange
                            I'm merely a humble butler
                            • Dec 2005
                            • 29116

                            #43
                            Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                            As someone who has been very depressed on 2 separate occasions spanning several years each time. I can say with 100% certainty, you can overcome it, it is possible, and life is beautiful once you do.

                            My depression consisted of suicidal thoughts, extreme loneliness, never leaving bed or the couch, and not talking to anyone for days. It also consisted of dr.'s and multiple kinds of prescription meds.

                            I have not had meds for depression in almost 10 years, and I see life as a blessing, almost every day. I know many people here probably wonder how. So if that's you, feel free to pm me. I'll just get trolled if I go on about it here.

                            It was fun while it lasted...

                            Comment

                            • DIDI
                              Aussie Pest
                              • Nov 2004
                              • 16845

                              #44
                              Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                              Originally posted by Krystyan
                              [ATTACH=CONFIG]11719[/ATTACH]

                              I like Stephen Fry.
                              Originally posted by TheVrk
                              it IS incredible isn't it??
                              STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
                              Simply does not get any better than Hernan
                              The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

                              Comment

                              • DIDI
                                Aussie Pest
                                • Nov 2004
                                • 16845

                                #45
                                Re: The reality of depression - Decoded Magazine

                                Originally posted by floridaorange
                                I'll just get trolled if I go on about it here.
                                Looking for a little relevance are we ??
                                Originally posted by TheVrk
                                it IS incredible isn't it??
                                STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
                                Simply does not get any better than Hernan
                                The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

                                Comment

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