Joke of the day

[maddlingo]

Two Timing Creep

> Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after
> dinner,
> Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his
> accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders
> into the
> garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have
> passed.
>
> After a short lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and
> asks,
> "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
>
> She asks, "What?"
>
> "SEX!" he replies.
>
> Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a
> gun
> to your head!"
>
> "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold
> it
> for a while."
>
> "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his
> manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly
> each
> night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would
hold
> Harold's manhood.
>
> Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
> Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She
> walked
> around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool
> with
> another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood.
> Furious, Mildred
> yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't
have?"
>
> Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's!"

[LV-8]

Re: Joke of the day

That rocks!!!

[fumanchu182]

Re: Joke of the day

He is my hero, I can't wait to be 90 and do that.

[peloquin]

Re: Joke of the day

nice one

a contribution

blatantly stolen from elsewhere

HER DIARY

Sunday 13th June 2004

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I had been
shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so
thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I
suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go
somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself;
he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or
to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped
me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated,
but followed.
I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half
shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of
silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him
and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad
sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was
surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and
I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found
someone else. I cried myself to sleep.



HIS DIARY


Sunday 13th June 2004

England lost to France. Absolutely Gutted. Got a shag though

[picklemonkey]

Re: Joke of the day

nice one

a contribution

blatantly stolen from elsewhere

HER DIARY

Sunday 13th June 2004

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I had been
shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so
thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I
suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go
somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself;
he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or
to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped
me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated,
but followed.
I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half
shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of
silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him
and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad
sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was
surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and
I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found
someone else. I cried myself to sleep.



HIS DIARY


Sunday 13th June 2004

England lost to France. Absolutely Gutted. Got a shag though

[shosh]

Re: Joke of the day

funny as shit... nothing like an old bitch w/ parkinsons

[picklemonkey]

Re: Joke of the day

just heard these on Saturday Night Live:


mexicans and cue balls are both the same--the more you hit them, the more english they pick up


a black & a mexican are in a car. who's driving?

a cop

[MJDub]

Re: Joke of the day

just heard these on Saturday Night Live:


mexicans and cue balls are both the same--the more you hit them, the more english they pick up


a black & a mexican are in a car. who's driving?

a cop

YES! Those owned.

[MJ]

Re: Joke of the day

Irish man catches his kid snorting coke in the kitchen. He says " If i catch you doing that again you little bastrad I`ll rub your nose in it"

[sheryar]

Re: Joke of the day

LOL!! :P

[qwerty2222]

Re: Joke of the day

Two Timing Creep

> Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after
> dinner,
> Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his
> accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders
> into the
> garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have
> passed.
>
> After a short lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and
> asks,
> "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
>
> She asks, "What?"
>
> "SEX!" he replies.
>
> Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a
> gun
> to your head!"
>
> "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold
> it
> for a while."
>
> "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his
> manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly
> each
> night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would
hold
> Harold's manhood.
>
> Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
> Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She
> walked
> around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool
> with
> another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood.
> Furious, Mildred
> yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't
have?"
>
> Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's!"

that is pure gold man, best joke i heard for some time

[BUCKFAST ROLL]

Re: Joke of the day

v.good