Re: blowups and throwups
"I'd rather chill in this thread": why nonsense don't go away
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Re: blowups and throwups
....Freak in the morning, Freak in the evening, aint no other Freak like me thats breathing....
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Re: blowups and throwups
Company Memo
---------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 12, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd, starting at Noon in the private function room at the
Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing
along, and don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Patty
=======================================
Company Memo:
----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 13, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
From now on we're calling this our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still
celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
==================================================
Company Memo:
----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but ---forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER:
NO GIFTS EXCHANGES WILL BE ALLOWED.
================================================== ===
Company Memo:
----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 15, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House
can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else
package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with gay men or vise-versa. Each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross-dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
================================================== ======
Company Memo:
-------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: December 16, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party
at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!
Drive home drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
==================================================
Company Memo:
---------------------------------------------------------
TO: All Employees
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 17, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to
her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off ---with full pay!
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Music is the answer, to your problems. Keep on movin', till you solve them.
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