taking some time out

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

i also keep hearing the phrase "this music is finished in this country" and "your finished no matter what" "good eye or tinnitus" ( i have dark circles around my eye ) and everything i,m eating to try to fix my skin problem is making my ears pop and giving me tinnitus, it's funny because it's only started happening in the past couple of days and i,ve been listening to my ipod at very low levels, god i,m going to sound really fucking crazy by saying this but i think it's a weapon, my head feels light and everything, i,ve been reading a couple of websites on this stuff and they have sound weapons that can make you deaf, i,m probably committing suicide by saying this, scared i,m going to disapeer or something, the more i say the more paranoid i look, god i,m starting to sound like sakio

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

You probably should consult with a mental health specialist who can help you understand what is normal that you are experiencing and can be fixed by diet, sleep, excercise and what is not normal and requires medication. As all of us age, our mental, physical, emotional (and I would add spiritual) health has to be earned and fought for to be maintained or increased. Letting days go by without purpose or direction and not doing the necessary things like seeing your doctor or going to Yoga only make things harder and more difficult. putting toxic things into your mind/body also make things worse, they only seem better temporarily. Keep fighting and know that you deserve to feel safe and not paranoid or fearful. But you gotta do the hard work of getting well before things get out of hand. And you have to be disciplined with yourself - taking care of yourself and not letting that l darkness find a home in your mind/spirit/soul. (Typing from cell phone). Sounds like taking a long break from electronic music is also in order.

We are all messed up, but trying.

my diet is pretty poor to be honest and that is another thing that could suggest i have a mental health problem as schizophrenia can be attributed to bad diet as well, it would of been easy to target someone that way if you knew what you were doing in advance, i swear i still believe i was set up but like i said i have no way of proving it, it's like i,ve been played into a hole and there is no way out

[floridaorange]

Re: taking some time out

Bad diets just make everything worse but I'm not saying it's the cause. You seem like a smart guy with a good kind soul who could be doing a lot to help others in this world - and after all that's why we are here. I read that there's this snapping technique you can do with your fingers behind your ears that can relieve tennitus / it didn't help my Dad but google it and see for yourself. Tennitus can lead to suicide because it is so tormenting.

Also - there is 100% pure evil and pure good bidding for your attention. You have to decide what you allow to enter your consciousness. Be very careful with what you allow to enter your mind and body. And in the meantime please go see a mental health professional. If you feel like the person is not genuinely trying to help you but rather just medicate you and send you on your way, see someone else. I'm not saying medication is wrong, it's probably a big part of what you need...but you also need a doctor who genuinely cares for your wellbeing.

As for the paranoia issues, those could be related to prior drug use, it's unfortunately common. But could also be from other mental health issues.

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

Bad diets just make everything worse but I'm not saying it's the cause. You seem like a smart guy with a good kind soul who could be doing a lot to help others in this world - and after all that's why we are here. I read that there's this snapping technique you can do with your fingers behind your ears that can relieve tennitus / it didn't help my Dad but google it and see for yourself. Tennitus can lead to suicide because it is so tormenting.

Also - there is 100% pure evil and pure good bidding for your attention. You have to decide what you allow to enter your consciousness. Be very careful with what you allow to enter your mind and body. And in the meantime please go see a mental health professional. If you feel like the person is not genuinely trying to help you but rather just medicate you and send you on your way, see someone else. I'm not saying medication is wrong, it's probably a big part of what you need...but you also need a doctor who genuinely cares for your wellbeing.

As for the paranoia issues, those could be related to prior drug use, it's unfortunately common. But could also be from other mental health issues.

i,ve got an appointment with my doctor in a couple of days and i,ll talk to him about it, i,m fucked either way, once you have that on your medical record it sticks with you for life, when that happens it's even easier to set someone up for that for life ( i know that sounds crazy ), this is what happened to me, i had a history of drug use and also had a story so out of the ordinary it looked like i was crazy and delusional and suffering from the effects of drug abuse, i have a hard time dealing with that really, that has more or less fucked everything that was good in my life for the duration of my life, i still say that was deliberate, it would of been easy and like i said previously it has probably done more damage to me since being diagnosed than all the substance abuse i,ve ever done, i just went on self destruction after that, it's like they built me up to a point where i thought i was going to make something of my life and it came crashing down hard, i still can't explain it, in hind side sometimes i think they tried to save my life by getting me sectioned but like i said that didn't work or maybe they didn't, i don't know, i,m pretty confused by all the things that have happened to me in the past 20 years or so, the medication they fed me for that more or less ruined me more than anything, that could be deliberate too because the side effects of that stuff probably lead to more business for medical treatment..example.. makes you depressed and flat so you need to go get anti depressants, i took ssri's for a while and they made me more suicidal than i was to begin with, makes you over weight so that puts strain on other organs so you might need an operation in the future, i was so messed up i just sat at my computer all day from the time i got out of bed to the time i went to bed for years, i started abusing substances more because they were the only things that were blocking the thoughts i was having, drugs and drink but once you're on that road it's a slippery slope especially with a mental health record

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

watch me go deaf, that is the next thing they're targeting, my ipod is making my ears feel itchy and this computer is making my ears ring, every time i listen to music i,m getting ringing in the ears, it's just to coincidental for it to be a lie

[Micko]

Re: taking some time out

Sorry to hear things are so difficult at present - I have just sent you a PM

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

Sorry to hear things are so difficult at present - I have just sent you a PM

sent a reply, had to break it up into 2 pm's because i exceeded the limit

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

the same thing as last time is happening, hearing the words "special bastard" and getting crunchy sounds in my ears again same as last time, it seems like it's only happening when i,m eating fruit or drinking water, every time i listen to my ipod or sit at this computer i,m getting ringing in my ears, same thing happened last time i was sent daft, i,m no expert on mental health but maybe micko could tell me if there is consistency in patients episodes or is it a different story every time ?

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

i,m lying in my bed and hearing a sequence of tapping noises that sound like words, hearing words hidden in other sounds, hearing sounds that sound like drips coming from my mouth, everywhere i listen to music is screwing my hearing up fast, no where to listen to music at all, getting pains in my nuts like someone is hitting them with something, my muscles are twitching all over my body, getting strange feelings on my head, cramps in my hand, it's freaking the shit out of me, i,m home alone right now and i,m hearing floorboards upstairs creak like someone is walking about and hearing other sounds around the house that are making me think someone is in the house, keep hearing someone saying "little bastard" like someone is crying when they are saying it and also hearing the same words in other tones like someone is angry

[Micko]

Re: taking some time out

There is so much good will here, it is heartening to read

I will PM rather than post here in the main forum

[sbando]

Re: taking some time out

A brotherly hug, Dom.

[floridaorange]

Re: taking some time out

I don't know your history with drugs and alcohol but if you are prone to having mental health issues, taking street drugs is a big gamble. In some cases, light use can be good, I think we all know that, but if you over use, that's when things can go south real fast. Assuming you did not use moderately, you may be dealing with the mental repercussions now, later in life, as you get older, and that's not unheard of. My hope is that through medication, diet and exercise you learn to take care of yourself, because the 5 yr old Dom deep down inside you deserves it, even if the adult Dom doesn't think so. Try to get well man, you're a good person with a good heart and deserve it.

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

I don't know your history with drugs and alcohol but if you are prone to having mental health issues, taking street drugs is a big gamble. In some cases, light use can be good, I think we all know that, but if you over use, that's when things can go south real fast. Assuming you did not use moderately, you may be dealing with the mental repercussions now, later in life, as you get older, and that's not unheard of. My hope is that through medication, diet and exercise you learn to take care of yourself, because the 5 yr old Dom deep down inside you deserves it, even if the adult Dom doesn't think so. Try to get well man, you're a good person with a good heart and deserve it.

street drugs in this country are just nasty, it's not even the real thing in some cases, it's probably why so many people turned to legal highs, including myself, i,ve took those quite a lot in the past years since they became popular, like i said when i was first diagnosed i just went on self destruction, the only thing i could do was alcohol and i really really hate it so it kind of drove me back to drugs, being high was the only thing that blocked the thoughts and pain ( i know that sounds weird ), when you've been through the mental health system it just messes with you for life, the techniques they use are around you in your everyday life in everything you see and hear, my answer was to just sit at my computer in my room all day and listen to music alone all day, i even struggle to have conversations with people i,ve known for years due to this, you're constantly questioning yourself all the time, it's hard to explain, it just messes with your head more and does more damage than good, it's really hard to look people in the eye sometimes, it breaks you hard, you're constantly looking for it in everything you see and hear, it's basically torture from day one and you are stuck with it for life, you just don't want to step out into the real world, it's a death trap, the drugs are even worse, what they do to your body is just frightening, i was above 200 pounds at one point ( 17 stone ), it has probably damaged my organs all over my body for life, the weight i,ve lost in the past couple of weeks is frightening and probably dangerous

[thebanned1]

Re: taking some time out

last night i heard a sound like the door being locked after hearing as if someone was moving about the house, i checked and saw no one, i was home myself, i know i,ve said this before but it would of been easy for someone to have a key to my house as the doors fitting needed a key that has to be cut by a special tool and you need a card to cut a new key, scared to leave the house just now in case my house gets broke into or something, i know that sounds like paranoia, been feeling funny after eating food and something and even though i,ve been using anti dandruff shampoo my head is flaking like hell more than it usually is, i know i,ve said this before but i remember years ago in the 90's i worked in a market stall selling warez/cracked software ( cracked by paradox, it was even the same logo when i used to download warez myself years later ) and there was an ex commando or someone military who was a cat burglar and it's suddenly struck me how easy it would of been for someone to have broke into this house and changed all the stuff around the place, that's probably why my computers broke as you could change the bios without even switching the computer on, even without a key people like that know exactly house to get in and out of a house un noticed, could of been murdered or anything lol

[floridaorange]

Re: taking some time out

The skin on your scalp becomes more sensitive with age, try to use luke warm or cool water on your head in the shower when shampooing. Warm / hot water will cause dandruff. Also a cap size amount of apple cider vinegar will stop dandruff better than that shampoo your are using.

You used to sell illegal software at a market? that's unique!