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YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF...
by Steven Plaut
* You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.
* You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong
with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
* You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but
have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
* Along the same lines, "Four Dead in OHIO" by Neil Young gives you
goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you.
* You say shows like "Leave It to Beaver" are out of touch with America
today, while you flip to your soap opera.
* You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think
that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.
* You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn't
that what public schools are for).
* You think those stupid ribbons actually ac! complish something.
* You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as
a "colored person."
* You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus
because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
* You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your
constitutional rights.
* You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your
first amendment rights.
* You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability
benefits.
* You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing
darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican.
* You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life,
but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.
* You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
* You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep
deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years
and saves your kids life.
* You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War.
* You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high
school.
* You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant
historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
* You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still
display
it.
* You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're
gonna do it anyway so..."
* You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but
the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase,! "But they can afford a tax
hike because..."
* You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that
person will turn it around and get off drugs.
* You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic
category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe
does.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is
undertaxed.
by Steven Plaut
* You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.
* You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong
with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
* You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but
have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
* Along the same lines, "Four Dead in OHIO" by Neil Young gives you
goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you.
* You say shows like "Leave It to Beaver" are out of touch with America
today, while you flip to your soap opera.
* You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think
that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.
* You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn't
that what public schools are for).
* You think those stupid ribbons actually ac! complish something.
* You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as
a "colored person."
* You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus
because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
* You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your
constitutional rights.
* You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your
first amendment rights.
* You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability
benefits.
* You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing
darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican.
* You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life,
but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.
* You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
* You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep
deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years
and saves your kids life.
* You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War.
* You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high
school.
* You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant
historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
* You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still
display
it.
* You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're
gonna do it anyway so..."
* You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but
the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase,! "But they can afford a tax
hike because..."
* You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that
person will turn it around and get off drugs.
* You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic
category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe
does.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is
undertaxed.
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