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Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
>>
>>Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
>>daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him
>>and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
>>
>>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
>>with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
>>
>>The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
>>highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
>>
>>A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
>>multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
>>without regulation.
>>
>>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
>>Clinton.
>>
>>The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
>>speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
>>
>>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
>>
>>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,
>>then demand their cooperation and money.
>>
>>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
>>care to all Americans is socialism.
>>
>>HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public
>>at heart.
>>
>>Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
>>creationism should be taught in schools.
>>
>>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
>>offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands
>>die is solid defense policy.
>>
>>Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
>>Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
>>Internet.
>>
>>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
>>conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our
>>prayers for your recovery.
>>
>>You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John
>>Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the
right
>to
>>adopt.
>>
>>What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest,
>>but what Bush did in the '60s is irrelevant.
>>
>>Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
>>
>>Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
>>daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him
>>and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
>>
>>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
>>with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
>>
>>The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
>>highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
>>
>>A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
>>multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
>>without regulation.
>>
>>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
>>Clinton.
>>
>>The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
>>speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
>>
>>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
>>
>>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,
>>then demand their cooperation and money.
>>
>>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
>>care to all Americans is socialism.
>>
>>HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public
>>at heart.
>>
>>Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
>>creationism should be taught in schools.
>>
>>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
>>offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands
>>die is solid defense policy.
>>
>>Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
>>Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
>>Internet.
>>
>>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
>>conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our
>>prayers for your recovery.
>>
>>You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John
>>Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the
right
>to
>>adopt.
>>
>>What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest,
>>but what Bush did in the '60s is irrelevant.
>>
>>Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
