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The Onion is always great, but this one was particularly brilliant:
:ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:
"I don't ask for the average American to understand my lifestyle," said Arthur Marsters, 141, a cost-benefit analyst for Prudential Financial in Boston. "But there's no changing the fact that I am a giant tortoise. If I cannot maintain my core temperature, I cannot be a productive member of society, nor can I provide for my wife and latest clutch of hatchlings."
"Natural-gas costs have doubled; heating-oil prices had their biggest spike in five years," Reed said. "I had an iguana in my office the other day who told me he had to take on a second job as a hippie's pet to ensure that his young have enough heat and lettuce this winter. This poor creature has enough problems maintaining a proper body temperature; now he's forced to be an absentee dad to his kids? That's just not right."
