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Those in the UK will probably know about this but the rest of you should sign up!
It's quality entertainment...
This week's below:
"I was getting my makeup done, and it just hit me: I
love Nick, but I need time alone. I called my psychic,
and I asked her opinion... I went straight to the
Kabbalah Centre and got a new bracelet. - Paris Hilton
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH?????????? _???? _ _??????
_ __?? ___? _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|???????? |_|????? 28.07.04 ISSUE 220
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
* Do drugs for Donatella
* You're eating my cock
* Charts: Busted are the new number one
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Sell Atkins! Buy Kabbalah! <<
??????? Another reason not to buy Madonna's books
??? The Atkins diet is over! Celebrities are coming
??? off their fart-inducing meat regimes in droves
??? as downmarket low-carb products saturate the
??? supermarkets. Final proof comes with the news
??? that the Atkins headquarters in Manhattan, outside
??? which Dr Atkins slipped, fell and died last year,
??? has just been bought by the Kabbalah Centre. Thanks
??? to the royalties from Madonna's childrens' books
??? the East 55th St building is going to be turned
??? into a Kabbalah-inspired grammar school.
-----------------------------------------------------
Erykah Badu's new baby is called Puma. She's a
sister to Seven. Of course.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> How soon is now <<
??????? Does Mozza heart Johnny?
??? Duran Duran have done it. The Pogues, Lloyd
??? Cole and the Commotions,? Doobie Brothers
??? and Happy Mondays are all reforming too.
??? But the big news is that one 80s band
??? no-one ever thought would be getting back
??? together are in "early discussions."
??? The Smiths.
-----------------------------------------------------
Top five best selling albums across Europe last
month: Nightwish, Beastie Boys, Avril Lavigne,
Norah Jones, Anastacia.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> In the navy <<
??????? Pass the sickbag
Mr Portsmouth writes:
??? "Further to the Brazilian proverb you quoted
??? last week, "Boozed arses have no owners," I
??? recall there being a similar saying when I was
??? in the Royal Navy.
??? "'A seasick arse carries no steaming lights.'
??? Which roughly translates as, 'If you're seasick
??? and get shunted from behind in the dark, it's
??? your own fault.'"
-----------------------------------------------------
Kitt the 1983 Pontiac Trans Am from Knight Rider
is being auctioned on ebay this Friday.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Hassle Hasselhoff <<
??????? Stalking Mitch Buchannon
??? David Hasselhoff celebrated his triumphant
??? portrayal of Billy Flynn in Chicago with
??? a trip to London's famous game restaurant Rules.
??? And what did The Hoff ask for... Partridge?
??? Pheasant? Venison? No. Elk.
??? Sadly they didn't have it.
Seen Hasselhoff around town?
email hello@popbitch.com
-----------------------------------------------------
The David Hasselhoff Sings America album is available
on itunes. It including New York New York, La Isla
Bonita and the Knight Rider theme.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Joy for Jackson <<
??????? But Kidman says "Beat It"
??? The Jesus Juice will be flowing in Neverland
??? this Christmas... Michael Jackson has managed
??? to get his trial postponed until January.
??? Jackson's latest ploy to look like he likes girls
??? was to ask Nicole Kidman to be his date at
??? the forthcoming MTV VMA awards. Strangely
??? Nicole turned him down, saying, " I keep thinking
??? of those photographs of Michael in a shocking wig
??? at Disneyland looking ridiculous. So call me crazy
??? but it just didn't tempt me to want to accept."
(FYI: Our reported origin of the word nonce has been
challenged. It seems that Nonce comes either from
a legal term, Not Of Normal Criminal Extraction, or
it is an abbreviation of "nonsense", a reflection of
"honest career criminals" views of sexual crimes.)
-----------------------------------------------------
Q: What's blond, has six legs, and is in Michael
Jackson's dreams every night?
A: Hanson.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> More is More! <<
??????? Donatella's drug theory
??? With Donatella Versace and Courtney Love off to
??? rehab, it seems the world's set for an enormous
??? glut of cocaine. Here's five reasons to
??? have a celebatory toot for Donatella tonight:
??? 1. Courtney claimed she liked hanging out at
??? Donatella's house because "you get to
??? do coke off the Picassos."
??? 2. She kept brick-sized blocks of cocaine in
??? the fridge which were generously offered to
??? everyone who worked with her.
??? 3. She was once refused entry to Splash
??? disco, NYC, as the doormen refused to believe
??? she wasn't a Donatella drag-queen impersonator.
??? 4. Her passport photo was taken by
??? Steven Meisel.
??? 5. When a make-up artist once suggested she try
??? a natural look - she reacted with horror,
??? saying no, "more is more!".
-----------------------------------------------------
Rob Halford has confirmed that the new Judas Priest
album is almost finished, promising "people that
are eagerly awaiting it will not be disappointed."
-----------------------------------------------------
Ozzy Osbourne has made $50m from merchandising in
the last decade. His best selling products:
slippers, black t shirts and action figures.
-----------------------------------------------------
Tina from S Club failed her driving test last week.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Rammstein rule! <<
??????? German rockers get cocky
???????
??? Pet Shop Boys have remixed Rammstein's new
??? single, Mein Teil, which means "My Cock".
??? The song is about the recent cannibal case
??? but written from the viewpoint of the dying man.
??? The chorus goes, "You are what you eat
??? And you're eating my cock". The video has
??? torture scenes and a bandmember killing an
??? angel after a blow-job. Nice.
Watch video:
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Black metal blues <<
??????? RIP: Quorthon of Bathory
??? It's been a bad week for black metal. One of the
??? scene's biggest stars, Qorthon, died in Stockholm
??? from heart failure. Quorthon aka Thomas Fosberg
??? started legendary group Bathory with video
??? director Jonas Akerlund in the mid 80s, and
??? was a huge influence for artists like
??? Metallica, Marilyn Manson and Billy Corgan.
??? Quorthon said he wasn't really a satanist, though.
??? He wrote black metal songs because, "We didn't
??? know shit about riding down the highway on a
??? Harley, drinking whisky out of the bottle while
??? fondling all these loose women... I wouldn't
??? have known the devil even if he jumped up to
??? bite my ass."
??? This isn't something you could say about Beasts
??? of Satan, an Italian black-metal group lead by
??? a plumber called Nicola. Four members of the
??? band have just been charged with the murder of
??? two of their bandmates, Chiara Marino and Fabio
??? Torris in a gak-fuelled satanic ritual. Apparently?
??? the Beasts though Chiara was the re-embodiment
??? of the Virgin Mary. Poor Fabio just stepped in
??? to try and save her and get belted with a hammer.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Things to make you go hmmm <<
??????? Otters, Shatner, Cary Grant
??? Soulwax have spent two years making their new
??? album Any Minute Now. It sent them so mad they
??? built a huge shrine to Beyonce in their Shoreditch
??? studio made from magazine cuttings. Luckily the
??? album's great - the first single (out 9th August)
??? has mental crunching rock guitars mixed with
??? Azzido Da Bass synth noises.?
??? Hear it and see the video:
??? A new documentary on Cary Grant asks his wife
??? whether she ever thought he might be gay. She
??? said no, "We were too busy fucking."
?? It's Democrat convention week:
??? Butch Otter is a congressman for Idaho:
?? Otters are getting a subway under the A38
?? in Somerset. It's made of a reinforced pipe
?? and will be scent-marked with the droppings local
?? otters to encourage them to use it.
??? William Shatner's cover of Pulp's Common
??? People is brilliant!
??? Make your own otter board game:
??? Paris Hilton poetry:
It's quality entertainment...
This week's below:
"I was getting my makeup done, and it just hit me: I
love Nick, but I need time alone. I called my psychic,
and I asked her opinion... I went straight to the
Kabbalah Centre and got a new bracelet. - Paris Hilton
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH?????????? _???? _ _??????
_ __?? ___? _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|???????? |_|????? 28.07.04 ISSUE 220
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
* Do drugs for Donatella
* You're eating my cock
* Charts: Busted are the new number one
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Sell Atkins! Buy Kabbalah! <<
??????? Another reason not to buy Madonna's books
??? The Atkins diet is over! Celebrities are coming
??? off their fart-inducing meat regimes in droves
??? as downmarket low-carb products saturate the
??? supermarkets. Final proof comes with the news
??? that the Atkins headquarters in Manhattan, outside
??? which Dr Atkins slipped, fell and died last year,
??? has just been bought by the Kabbalah Centre. Thanks
??? to the royalties from Madonna's childrens' books
??? the East 55th St building is going to be turned
??? into a Kabbalah-inspired grammar school.
-----------------------------------------------------
Erykah Badu's new baby is called Puma. She's a
sister to Seven. Of course.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> How soon is now <<
??????? Does Mozza heart Johnny?
??? Duran Duran have done it. The Pogues, Lloyd
??? Cole and the Commotions,? Doobie Brothers
??? and Happy Mondays are all reforming too.
??? But the big news is that one 80s band
??? no-one ever thought would be getting back
??? together are in "early discussions."
??? The Smiths.
-----------------------------------------------------
Top five best selling albums across Europe last
month: Nightwish, Beastie Boys, Avril Lavigne,
Norah Jones, Anastacia.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> In the navy <<
??????? Pass the sickbag
Mr Portsmouth writes:
??? "Further to the Brazilian proverb you quoted
??? last week, "Boozed arses have no owners," I
??? recall there being a similar saying when I was
??? in the Royal Navy.
??? "'A seasick arse carries no steaming lights.'
??? Which roughly translates as, 'If you're seasick
??? and get shunted from behind in the dark, it's
??? your own fault.'"
-----------------------------------------------------
Kitt the 1983 Pontiac Trans Am from Knight Rider
is being auctioned on ebay this Friday.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Hassle Hasselhoff <<
??????? Stalking Mitch Buchannon
??? David Hasselhoff celebrated his triumphant
??? portrayal of Billy Flynn in Chicago with
??? a trip to London's famous game restaurant Rules.
??? And what did The Hoff ask for... Partridge?
??? Pheasant? Venison? No. Elk.
??? Sadly they didn't have it.
Seen Hasselhoff around town?
email hello@popbitch.com
-----------------------------------------------------
The David Hasselhoff Sings America album is available
on itunes. It including New York New York, La Isla
Bonita and the Knight Rider theme.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Joy for Jackson <<
??????? But Kidman says "Beat It"
??? The Jesus Juice will be flowing in Neverland
??? this Christmas... Michael Jackson has managed
??? to get his trial postponed until January.
??? Jackson's latest ploy to look like he likes girls
??? was to ask Nicole Kidman to be his date at
??? the forthcoming MTV VMA awards. Strangely
??? Nicole turned him down, saying, " I keep thinking
??? of those photographs of Michael in a shocking wig
??? at Disneyland looking ridiculous. So call me crazy
??? but it just didn't tempt me to want to accept."
(FYI: Our reported origin of the word nonce has been
challenged. It seems that Nonce comes either from
a legal term, Not Of Normal Criminal Extraction, or
it is an abbreviation of "nonsense", a reflection of
"honest career criminals" views of sexual crimes.)
-----------------------------------------------------
Q: What's blond, has six legs, and is in Michael
Jackson's dreams every night?
A: Hanson.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> More is More! <<
??????? Donatella's drug theory
??? With Donatella Versace and Courtney Love off to
??? rehab, it seems the world's set for an enormous
??? glut of cocaine. Here's five reasons to
??? have a celebatory toot for Donatella tonight:
??? 1. Courtney claimed she liked hanging out at
??? Donatella's house because "you get to
??? do coke off the Picassos."
??? 2. She kept brick-sized blocks of cocaine in
??? the fridge which were generously offered to
??? everyone who worked with her.
??? 3. She was once refused entry to Splash
??? disco, NYC, as the doormen refused to believe
??? she wasn't a Donatella drag-queen impersonator.
??? 4. Her passport photo was taken by
??? Steven Meisel.
??? 5. When a make-up artist once suggested she try
??? a natural look - she reacted with horror,
??? saying no, "more is more!".
-----------------------------------------------------
Rob Halford has confirmed that the new Judas Priest
album is almost finished, promising "people that
are eagerly awaiting it will not be disappointed."
-----------------------------------------------------
Ozzy Osbourne has made $50m from merchandising in
the last decade. His best selling products:
slippers, black t shirts and action figures.
-----------------------------------------------------
Tina from S Club failed her driving test last week.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Rammstein rule! <<
??????? German rockers get cocky
???????
??? Pet Shop Boys have remixed Rammstein's new
??? single, Mein Teil, which means "My Cock".
??? The song is about the recent cannibal case
??? but written from the viewpoint of the dying man.
??? The chorus goes, "You are what you eat
??? And you're eating my cock". The video has
??? torture scenes and a bandmember killing an
??? angel after a blow-job. Nice.
Watch video:
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Black metal blues <<
??????? RIP: Quorthon of Bathory
??? It's been a bad week for black metal. One of the
??? scene's biggest stars, Qorthon, died in Stockholm
??? from heart failure. Quorthon aka Thomas Fosberg
??? started legendary group Bathory with video
??? director Jonas Akerlund in the mid 80s, and
??? was a huge influence for artists like
??? Metallica, Marilyn Manson and Billy Corgan.
??? Quorthon said he wasn't really a satanist, though.
??? He wrote black metal songs because, "We didn't
??? know shit about riding down the highway on a
??? Harley, drinking whisky out of the bottle while
??? fondling all these loose women... I wouldn't
??? have known the devil even if he jumped up to
??? bite my ass."
??? This isn't something you could say about Beasts
??? of Satan, an Italian black-metal group lead by
??? a plumber called Nicola. Four members of the
??? band have just been charged with the murder of
??? two of their bandmates, Chiara Marino and Fabio
??? Torris in a gak-fuelled satanic ritual. Apparently?
??? the Beasts though Chiara was the re-embodiment
??? of the Virgin Mary. Poor Fabio just stepped in
??? to try and save her and get belted with a hammer.
-----------------------------------------------------
??????? >> Things to make you go hmmm <<
??????? Otters, Shatner, Cary Grant
??? Soulwax have spent two years making their new
??? album Any Minute Now. It sent them so mad they
??? built a huge shrine to Beyonce in their Shoreditch
??? studio made from magazine cuttings. Luckily the
??? album's great - the first single (out 9th August)
??? has mental crunching rock guitars mixed with
??? Azzido Da Bass synth noises.?
??? Hear it and see the video:
??? A new documentary on Cary Grant asks his wife
??? whether she ever thought he might be gay. She
??? said no, "We were too busy fucking."
?? It's Democrat convention week:
??? Butch Otter is a congressman for Idaho:
?? Otters are getting a subway under the A38
?? in Somerset. It's made of a reinforced pipe
?? and will be scent-marked with the droppings local
?? otters to encourage them to use it.
??? William Shatner's cover of Pulp's Common
??? People is brilliant!
??? Make your own otter board game:
??? Paris Hilton poetry:
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