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When it comes to lesbians in college, the legit one?s are often hard to pick apart from the girls that just make out with their roommates at the bar twice a month. Most of the time guys are intrigued by these unattainable Amazons, but at the same time?so few of them are hot. However, when they are hot they get men?s blood boiling. Here are some reasons that hot lesbians should give men a shot?
1) You have to get tired of being pleasured so efficiently.
Fine, I get the argument that you want someone to know what they?re doing to handle your body-trembling, earth-shattering orgasms. But have Rocky, The Mighty Ducks, and the current incarnation of the Democratic Party taught us nothing? Everyone loves an underdog, because you are so sure that they are not going to succeed that when they do anything halfway decent it is a bigger accomplishment than when an expert does something phenomenal. It?s like letting a special needs kid play in a varsity football game. Also, it has to be fun watching guys try to aimlessly pleasure you, I equate it with watching someone extremely late frantically looking for their car keys when they don?t know you?re watching. They know that there?s no way that the keys are behind the refrigerator, but they?re so desperate they?ll try anything. And if that guy is trying to please a lesbian, it?ll be like he drives a Jaguar and attached to his keys are his iPod and left nut. Hilarious, give it a shot.
2) Doesn?t it get old when your partner listens to every damn word you say?
Ever wonder how she knew that you had your eye on that other cute girl that lived down the hall from you in the dorms freshman year? It?s because you said you liked her shoes six months ago and she made a mental note, that?s how. Girls listen to everything you say and make fucking mental notes. Want to know what my last mental note was? Too bad, I don?t even have any space left to write anything, my head?s full of cheat codes for CONTRA and dialog from a scrambled porn I watched at a friend?s house in 7th grade. I haven?t had any mental notes since the X-Men cartoon was on Saturday mornings. So, say whatever the hell you want around us, it?ll be your little secret.
3) Here?s five words you?ll never hear from a guy: ?I don?t feel like it.?
Yes, us men are a fairly basic species: we eat, sleep, drink, and are willing to have sex anywhere, at anytime, with nearly anyone who?s willing. Yes, so whenever you feel the urge to have a little ?nakey time?, just let us know and we?re there. You never have to worry about a guy who ?just wants to cuddle? tonight or asks you over to watch a movie with the intention of actually viewing a film. No, in fact, the only time we don?t want to have sex is right after we do. Which brings me to my next point?
4) Don?t you ever just want to go to sleep after you have sex?
I don?t get this, we were just joined at the crotch for a good 5 to 26 minutes and now that we?re done you want me to lay behind you and put my arm over you?!? Why? And what the fuck do you expect me to do with the other arm?!? Seriously, it?s falling asleep, there?s nothing to do with it! No, you will never have this dilemma with a dude, just tell him you actually want to go to sleep. After he cries a single tear of appreciation you have exactly your half of the bed to sleep for the rest of the night. Sounds nice, doesn?t it? Give it a shot.
5) We have a real penis.
Yeah, that?s right, I said it. I know that this is a point of contention for all women, not just lesbians, because?uh, well, dicks look funny. But I?m here to tell you that there is no movie that can create the kind of suspense that one goes through on the way home from the bar when waiting to find out what kind of performance your ?little man? is going to give you. Did he survive the onslaught of $1.00 drafts you gave him and is alert and ready to perform? Did he pass out after the 8th Jaegerbomb? Is it somewhere in the middle?!? I dunno, I can?t wait to find out! Now, you ladies might be saying how much that sucks if he can?t ?perform?. But I can assure you that even if we can?t, we?ll always try to pleasure you, so I refer you back to #1 on this list. I mean, have you ever seen a guy frantically look for his keys hammered?
So there you go hot lesbians of the world, five solid reasons that next time a guy hits on you at the bar you should consider taking him home. If nothing else, college is a time for all women to explore all their options. Mainly, me.
1) You have to get tired of being pleasured so efficiently.
Fine, I get the argument that you want someone to know what they?re doing to handle your body-trembling, earth-shattering orgasms. But have Rocky, The Mighty Ducks, and the current incarnation of the Democratic Party taught us nothing? Everyone loves an underdog, because you are so sure that they are not going to succeed that when they do anything halfway decent it is a bigger accomplishment than when an expert does something phenomenal. It?s like letting a special needs kid play in a varsity football game. Also, it has to be fun watching guys try to aimlessly pleasure you, I equate it with watching someone extremely late frantically looking for their car keys when they don?t know you?re watching. They know that there?s no way that the keys are behind the refrigerator, but they?re so desperate they?ll try anything. And if that guy is trying to please a lesbian, it?ll be like he drives a Jaguar and attached to his keys are his iPod and left nut. Hilarious, give it a shot.
2) Doesn?t it get old when your partner listens to every damn word you say?
Ever wonder how she knew that you had your eye on that other cute girl that lived down the hall from you in the dorms freshman year? It?s because you said you liked her shoes six months ago and she made a mental note, that?s how. Girls listen to everything you say and make fucking mental notes. Want to know what my last mental note was? Too bad, I don?t even have any space left to write anything, my head?s full of cheat codes for CONTRA and dialog from a scrambled porn I watched at a friend?s house in 7th grade. I haven?t had any mental notes since the X-Men cartoon was on Saturday mornings. So, say whatever the hell you want around us, it?ll be your little secret.
3) Here?s five words you?ll never hear from a guy: ?I don?t feel like it.?
Yes, us men are a fairly basic species: we eat, sleep, drink, and are willing to have sex anywhere, at anytime, with nearly anyone who?s willing. Yes, so whenever you feel the urge to have a little ?nakey time?, just let us know and we?re there. You never have to worry about a guy who ?just wants to cuddle? tonight or asks you over to watch a movie with the intention of actually viewing a film. No, in fact, the only time we don?t want to have sex is right after we do. Which brings me to my next point?
4) Don?t you ever just want to go to sleep after you have sex?
I don?t get this, we were just joined at the crotch for a good 5 to 26 minutes and now that we?re done you want me to lay behind you and put my arm over you?!? Why? And what the fuck do you expect me to do with the other arm?!? Seriously, it?s falling asleep, there?s nothing to do with it! No, you will never have this dilemma with a dude, just tell him you actually want to go to sleep. After he cries a single tear of appreciation you have exactly your half of the bed to sleep for the rest of the night. Sounds nice, doesn?t it? Give it a shot.
5) We have a real penis.
Yeah, that?s right, I said it. I know that this is a point of contention for all women, not just lesbians, because?uh, well, dicks look funny. But I?m here to tell you that there is no movie that can create the kind of suspense that one goes through on the way home from the bar when waiting to find out what kind of performance your ?little man? is going to give you. Did he survive the onslaught of $1.00 drafts you gave him and is alert and ready to perform? Did he pass out after the 8th Jaegerbomb? Is it somewhere in the middle?!? I dunno, I can?t wait to find out! Now, you ladies might be saying how much that sucks if he can?t ?perform?. But I can assure you that even if we can?t, we?ll always try to pleasure you, so I refer you back to #1 on this list. I mean, have you ever seen a guy frantically look for his keys hammered?
So there you go hot lesbians of the world, five solid reasons that next time a guy hits on you at the bar you should consider taking him home. If nothing else, college is a time for all women to explore all their options. Mainly, me.
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