Tweet
So we all live in "the free world" right? Meaning that where we live concepts like freedom of speech, civil liberties and equality are considered obvious. Especially the equality.
Where I live, factors like ethnicity, religion, color of skin, etc... Are (hardly) taken into account. Europeans generally consider religion a private matter and won't bother others with it. I don't care if I'm talking to a German, Italian or American as for me nationality doesn't mean a thing (I even consider myself a European rather than a Belgian)... I don't care if the guy I'm working or drinking a beer with is caucasian, asian, black or whatever... I judge people by their personality and merrits...
By now most of you will be yawning that I'm stating the obvious. Well, it isn't that obvious at all... And I've learnt that the hard way.
As everybody knows, my girlfriend is an Albanian living in Macedonia. Whereas at first I thought our different backgrounds could become a source for frictions between us, it turned out to be an enrichment of both our lives. Our relationship is based on mutual trust and above all RESPECT for our differences (which have turned out to be quite minimal). I've read up on the islam (she's muslim) and she got to know more about catholocism. I'm learning Albanian, she's learning Dutch... And so on, and so on... Neither of us wants the other one to change in order to be "more compatible."
By now most of you will be yawning that this the best way to make a mixed relationship work. So what's my problem? Our environments are the problem.
My parents were a bit sceptical about it all because Albanians have a bad image here (organized crime, etc...), but they approved after a few months when they saw that Erzina made me happier than I've ever been before. When the rest of my family heard the news, I got a lot of ignorant questions and remarks about her being Albanian and above all about her being a muslima ("Does she wear a burka and stick her ass in the air five times a day to pray?"...). I was utterly amazed that people whom I considered open minded and educated reacted in such a retarded way. But hey opinions are like asses: everybody has one.
Ok, the first reactions of my family were pretty insulting and disrecpectful, but it all slided off me. Erzina on the other hand has more serious shit to deal with...
When she told her parents in February (after being together for 7 months) she had met someone, they were very happy. But when she said "It's not an Albanian" all hell broke lose. Her mom went completely ballistic and her dad gave her a simple choice: when she graduates next year, she'll have to make a choice between breaking up with me or breaking contact with her parents and family. Why such a harsh reaction?
1) Albanians stick together. It's absolutely "not done" for an Albanian to get involved with someone who's not.
2) I'm not a muslim
When she kept argueing that I treat her better and with more respect than any Albanian guy up until now has treated her, the reply was quite simple: "Maybe he is a perfect guy who loves you deeply, respects you, treats you with diginity and cares about you, but that doesn't matter. Even if he's the perfect husband for you, there's a red line you can't cross. Some rules can never be broken..."
When Erzina told me what had happened, I was obviously deeply insulted and decided that I would do anything to prove to her parents that I'm "worthy" to have their daughter as partner. I was (and still am) even prepared to convert to islam if it was such a big deal that I'm a (non practicing) catholic. When her dad heard that, he just replied that I couldn't be serious, that Erzina believed in fairy tales. Anyway, even if I would convert, it wouldn't make them change their minds. I'm not an Albanian.
We're together for almost a year now and every time I go to Macedonia, I feel like a thief in the night. We have to make up excuses and lies in order to spend time together and obviously I haven't met her parents yet as they don't even want to talk to me.
I don't have to tell you that this conflicts big time with my personal pride as I think I only have reasons to be proud instead of be ashamed. And even though they have done nothing than disrespect me, I keep on respecting their opinion even though I don't agree with it. For Erzina this stings a lot too since her parents act like I don't exist, pretend that "everything is business as usual" and try to prevent us from seeing/contacting each other as much as possible.
It's hard on the both of us moreover because we're 2.500 km apart and see each other only once every two months in the flesh. But the positive factor is that we're both willing to go all the way. It's in our personality not to give up when we have our mind set on something. And this is something her parents still underestimate...
A long story to point out that we should consider ourselves very lucky to live in a society which hold values like freedom and equality as sacred. These values are too often taken for granted, but I'm telling ya: when you're denied of them, you realise how important they are...
Where I live, factors like ethnicity, religion, color of skin, etc... Are (hardly) taken into account. Europeans generally consider religion a private matter and won't bother others with it. I don't care if I'm talking to a German, Italian or American as for me nationality doesn't mean a thing (I even consider myself a European rather than a Belgian)... I don't care if the guy I'm working or drinking a beer with is caucasian, asian, black or whatever... I judge people by their personality and merrits...
By now most of you will be yawning that I'm stating the obvious. Well, it isn't that obvious at all... And I've learnt that the hard way.
As everybody knows, my girlfriend is an Albanian living in Macedonia. Whereas at first I thought our different backgrounds could become a source for frictions between us, it turned out to be an enrichment of both our lives. Our relationship is based on mutual trust and above all RESPECT for our differences (which have turned out to be quite minimal). I've read up on the islam (she's muslim) and she got to know more about catholocism. I'm learning Albanian, she's learning Dutch... And so on, and so on... Neither of us wants the other one to change in order to be "more compatible."
By now most of you will be yawning that this the best way to make a mixed relationship work. So what's my problem? Our environments are the problem.
My parents were a bit sceptical about it all because Albanians have a bad image here (organized crime, etc...), but they approved after a few months when they saw that Erzina made me happier than I've ever been before. When the rest of my family heard the news, I got a lot of ignorant questions and remarks about her being Albanian and above all about her being a muslima ("Does she wear a burka and stick her ass in the air five times a day to pray?"...). I was utterly amazed that people whom I considered open minded and educated reacted in such a retarded way. But hey opinions are like asses: everybody has one.
Ok, the first reactions of my family were pretty insulting and disrecpectful, but it all slided off me. Erzina on the other hand has more serious shit to deal with...
When she told her parents in February (after being together for 7 months) she had met someone, they were very happy. But when she said "It's not an Albanian" all hell broke lose. Her mom went completely ballistic and her dad gave her a simple choice: when she graduates next year, she'll have to make a choice between breaking up with me or breaking contact with her parents and family. Why such a harsh reaction?
1) Albanians stick together. It's absolutely "not done" for an Albanian to get involved with someone who's not.
2) I'm not a muslim
When she kept argueing that I treat her better and with more respect than any Albanian guy up until now has treated her, the reply was quite simple: "Maybe he is a perfect guy who loves you deeply, respects you, treats you with diginity and cares about you, but that doesn't matter. Even if he's the perfect husband for you, there's a red line you can't cross. Some rules can never be broken..."
When Erzina told me what had happened, I was obviously deeply insulted and decided that I would do anything to prove to her parents that I'm "worthy" to have their daughter as partner. I was (and still am) even prepared to convert to islam if it was such a big deal that I'm a (non practicing) catholic. When her dad heard that, he just replied that I couldn't be serious, that Erzina believed in fairy tales. Anyway, even if I would convert, it wouldn't make them change their minds. I'm not an Albanian.
We're together for almost a year now and every time I go to Macedonia, I feel like a thief in the night. We have to make up excuses and lies in order to spend time together and obviously I haven't met her parents yet as they don't even want to talk to me.
I don't have to tell you that this conflicts big time with my personal pride as I think I only have reasons to be proud instead of be ashamed. And even though they have done nothing than disrespect me, I keep on respecting their opinion even though I don't agree with it. For Erzina this stings a lot too since her parents act like I don't exist, pretend that "everything is business as usual" and try to prevent us from seeing/contacting each other as much as possible.
It's hard on the both of us moreover because we're 2.500 km apart and see each other only once every two months in the flesh. But the positive factor is that we're both willing to go all the way. It's in our personality not to give up when we have our mind set on something. And this is something her parents still underestimate...
A long story to point out that we should consider ourselves very lucky to live in a society which hold values like freedom and equality as sacred. These values are too often taken for granted, but I'm telling ya: when you're denied of them, you realise how important they are...
Comment