Tweet
Sorry this is old, but good for another laugh.
JOHN KERRY RESUME
NAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, worth multimillions.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense
bill in my career as a US Senator. I ordered Boston to remove a fire
hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the
event of fire.
MILITARY:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military
and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I then
returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted
returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby
killers. I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did
I? My book; Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I
truly feel about the military.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for US Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real
work experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife TeRAYza.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed
to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our
country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now
I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every
liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I
intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he
will never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions and have
never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth
in excess of $700 million.
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the US in places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I Blame George Bush for sending all of the jobs out of Country.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it
might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None.
PERSONAL
I ride a Serotta Bike. (Not even a Harley, although I rode one on Letterman.)
My Gulfstream V Jet I call The Flying Squirrel.
I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckleytwin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame
George Bush for the energy problems.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
JOHN KERRY RESUME
NAME: John Kerry
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, worth multimillions.
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense
bill in my career as a US Senator. I ordered Boston to remove a fire
hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the
event of fire.
MILITARY:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military
and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I then
returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted
returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby
killers. I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did
I? My book; Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I
truly feel about the military.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for US Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real
work experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife TeRAYza.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed
to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our
country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now
I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every
liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I
intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he
will never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions and have
never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth
in excess of $700 million.
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the US in places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I Blame George Bush for sending all of the jobs out of Country.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it
might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None.
PERSONAL
I ride a Serotta Bike. (Not even a Harley, although I rode one on Letterman.)
My Gulfstream V Jet I call The Flying Squirrel.
I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckleytwin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame
George Bush for the energy problems.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
Comment