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Re: oh god yes... finally... LUDICROUS SPEED GO
Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: Sorry sir. Doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major Asshole: I did sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that!....What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir, Major Asshole
Dark Helmet: and his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too sir: Gunner's mate, first class, Philip Asshole
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
The Crew: YO!!!!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes
[Dark Helmet pulls his mask down]
Dark Helmet: Keep firing assholes!!
Family Reunion
Dark Helmet: [mask down] Not so fast, Lone Starr.
Lone Starr: Helmet. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. [thinks about what he said] Yeah.
Dark Helmet: Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former room-mate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing.
Lightspeed
Sandurz: Prepare for light speed.
Helmet: No, no, light speed is too slow.
Sandurz: Light speed too slow?
Helmet: Yes, we'll have to go right to...Ludicrous speed!
Sandurz:Ludicrous speed! Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I
don't think the ship can take it.
Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz...CHICKEN?!
Mega-maid
Sandurz: It's Mega Maid. She gone from suck to blow.
Now
Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at?... When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now, You're looking at now sir...Everything that happens now is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed it.
Dark Helmet:When.
Colonel Sandurz:Just now... We're at now now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then?
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz:I can't
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon!
Dark Helmet: How soon?
Technician: Sir!
Dark Helmet: What?
Technician: We've identified their location!
Dark Helmet: Where?
Technician: It's the moon of Vega
Colonel Sandurz: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival
Dark Helmet: When?
Technician: Nineteen hundred hours, sir!
Colonel Sandurz: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners!
Dark Helmet: WHO?!?!
Radar
Radar Operator: I'm having trouble with the radar sir..
Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it?
Radar Operator: I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.
Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz: The what?, the what?, and the what?
Radar Operator: You know.. The bleeps..... The sweeps.... and the creeps.
Dark Helmet: That's not all he's lost.
Radar Operator: Sir. The radar, sir. It appears to be ... Jammed!
Dark Helmet: Jammed. ... Raspberry.
Dark Helmet: There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry.
Dark Helmet: LONE STAR...
Yogurt
Helmet: Yogurt. Yogurt. I hate Yogurt. Even with strawberries.
Sandurz: I'll call the attack squad, sir.
Helmet: No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. It's far too powerful.
Sandurz: But, sir, your ring. Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
Helmet: No, he got the up-side. I got the down-side. You see, there's two kinds of every Schwartz.
nurse exits]
Dark Helmet: I bet she gives great helmet.
Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: Sorry sir. Doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major Asshole: I did sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that!....What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir, Major Asshole
Dark Helmet: and his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too sir: Gunner's mate, first class, Philip Asshole
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
The Crew: YO!!!!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes
[Dark Helmet pulls his mask down]
Dark Helmet: Keep firing assholes!!
Family Reunion
Dark Helmet: [mask down] Not so fast, Lone Starr.
Lone Starr: Helmet. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. [thinks about what he said] Yeah.
Dark Helmet: Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former room-mate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing.
Lightspeed
Sandurz: Prepare for light speed.
Helmet: No, no, light speed is too slow.
Sandurz: Light speed too slow?
Helmet: Yes, we'll have to go right to...Ludicrous speed!
Sandurz:Ludicrous speed! Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I
don't think the ship can take it.
Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz...CHICKEN?!
Mega-maid
Sandurz: It's Mega Maid. She gone from suck to blow.
Now
Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at?... When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now, You're looking at now sir...Everything that happens now is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed it.
Dark Helmet:When.
Colonel Sandurz:Just now... We're at now now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then?
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz:I can't
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon!
Dark Helmet: How soon?
Technician: Sir!
Dark Helmet: What?
Technician: We've identified their location!
Dark Helmet: Where?
Technician: It's the moon of Vega
Colonel Sandurz: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival
Dark Helmet: When?
Technician: Nineteen hundred hours, sir!
Colonel Sandurz: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners!
Dark Helmet: WHO?!?!
Radar
Radar Operator: I'm having trouble with the radar sir..
Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it?
Radar Operator: I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.
Dark Helmet and Colonel Sandurz: The what?, the what?, and the what?
Radar Operator: You know.. The bleeps..... The sweeps.... and the creeps.
Dark Helmet: That's not all he's lost.
Radar Operator: Sir. The radar, sir. It appears to be ... Jammed!
Dark Helmet: Jammed. ... Raspberry.
Dark Helmet: There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry.
Dark Helmet: LONE STAR...
Yogurt
Helmet: Yogurt. Yogurt. I hate Yogurt. Even with strawberries.
Sandurz: I'll call the attack squad, sir.
Helmet: No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. It's far too powerful.
Sandurz: But, sir, your ring. Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
Helmet: No, he got the up-side. I got the down-side. You see, there's two kinds of every Schwartz.
nurse exits]
Dark Helmet: I bet she gives great helmet.
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