Joke of the day

[KinKyJ]

Re: Joke of the day

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that !!!!

The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on, With her old wrinkled pair on show. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her Grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it just is not appropriate .....

The grandmother says, "Loosen up Sweetie. If you can shown off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

[shosh]

Re: Joke of the day

young fellow ran into an old man who was carrying a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "OK, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pussy." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wiped his mouth and exclaimed, "That tasted like shit".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

^^ not bad

[hulkhuss]

Re: Joke of the day

^^ not bad

should we rate these jokes
on a laugh scale 1-5 laughs

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

should we rate these jokes
on a laugh scale 1-5 laughs

I'd give it a

just keep the jokes coming

[hulkhuss]

Re: Joke of the day

I'd give it a

just keep the jokes coming

\

i will give it the same then

[nemrac]

Re: Joke of the day

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS, "I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

[hulkhuss]

Re: Joke of the day

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

since most stuff is on religion lately, lets keep things in theme

Muldoon lives with his dog in the countryside. When the dog dies, Muldoon goes to the parish priest. "Father, could you say a mass for the poor creature?"

The father explains, "We can’t have services for an animal in the church, but there’s a new denomination down the road. Maybe they’ll do something for him."
"Thanks," says Muldoon. "Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?" The father replies, "Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

Father Norton wakes up to a beautiful and sunny Sunday morning and decides he just has to play golf. He pretends he’s sick and convinces the associate pastor to say Mass for him that day, then heads out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away so he won’t run into anyone from his parish. On the first tee, he sees that he has the entire course to himself—everyone else is in church!
Watching all this from the heavens, Saint Peter leans over to the Lord and asks, "Are you going to let him get away with this?"
Just then Father Norton hits the ball and it heads straight for the pin, dropping just short of it, rolls up and falls into the hole-a 420 yard hole in one!
Astonished, St. Peter looks at the Lord and asks, "Why in Heaven did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiles and replies, "Who’s he going to tell?"

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

Jeff and Mike were killed in an accident. Jeff arrives at the Pearly Gates, and is met by St. Peter.

?Where is my friend Mike?? Jeff asks.

St. Peter replies, ?Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven.?

Jeff was bothered by this and asked, ?Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK??

So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer.

?I don?t mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell,? says Jeff.

?It?s not as it appears to be,? says St. Peter. ?You see, the keg has a hole in it and the blonde doesn?t.?

[rewing3]

Re: Joke of the day

Jeff and Mike were killed in an accident. Jeff arrives at the Pearly Gates, and is met by St. Peter.

?Where is my friend Mike?? Jeff asks.

St. Peter replies, ?Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven.?

Jeff was bothered by this and asked, ?Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK??

So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer.

?I don?t mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell,? says Jeff.

?It?s not as it appears to be,? says St. Peter. ?You see, the keg has a hole in it and the blonde doesn?t.?

That one is pretty good.

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

Three Italian nuns die and go to Heaven, where they are met by St. Peter. He says, ?Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I am granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.?

The first nun says, ?I want to be Sophia Loren.? With that, poof, she?s gone.

The second nun says, ?I want to be Madonna? and poof, she?s gone.

The third nun says, ?I want to be Sara Pipalini.?

St. Peter looks perplexed. ?Who?? he says.

?Sara Pipalini? replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, ?I?m sorry, but that name doesn?t ring a bell.?

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, ?No, Sister, this says, ?Sahara Pipeline? laid by 1,900 men in six months.?

[speciale]

Re: Joke of the day

On his last day on the job, a mailman is greeted by a young housewife who invites him in for breakfast. After the feast she leads him to the bedroom for an extensive sexual romp. Afterward she gives him two dollars.

?Jeez,? says the mailman, ?this is great, but what?s with the two dollars??

?Well,? she replies, ?since you?re retiring, I asked my husband what we should do for you. He said, ?Fuck him?give him a couple of bucks.? Breakfast was my idea.?