To: God... From: the Dog

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  • RiseandShine
    Are you Kidding me??
    • Sep 2006
    • 2910

    To: God... From: the Dog

    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
    Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
    Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
    Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
    Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
    Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
    Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
    Dear God: I will try to do better so I can go to heaven. I promise...
    1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
    3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
    4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
    5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
    6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
    7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
    8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
    9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
    10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
    11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
    12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
    13. I will not throw up in the car.
    14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
    15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
    16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
    And, finally, My last question . . .
    Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

    P.S. When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
    If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite. - William Blake
  • Garrick
    DUDERZ get a life!!!
    • Jun 2004
    • 6764

    #2
    Re: To: God... From: the Dog

    poor little fella will be bangin broads in heaven soon enough....
    Should I fuck you at that not until the ass, inject then tremendously hard bumschen and to the termination in the eyes yes?

    Comment

    • DIDI
      Aussie Pest
      • Nov 2004
      • 16845

      #3
      Re: To: God... From: the Dog

      I love "the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff." I took some tomatoes to the park to give to someone and my dog tried to follow her out to get them back
      Originally posted by TheVrk
      it IS incredible isn't it??
      STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
      Simply does not get any better than Hernan
      The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

      Comment

      • KinKyJ
        Platinum Poser
        • Jun 2004
        • 13438

        #4
        Re: To: God... From: the Dog

        To: Busty women
        From: God
        Subject: Me

        Comment

        • shan
          Platinum Poster
          • Jun 2004
          • 1187

          #5
          Re: To: God... From: the Dog

          Originally posted by RiseandShine
          Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
          Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
          Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
          Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
          Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
          Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
          Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

          Dear God: I will try to do better so I can go to heaven. I promise...
          1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
          2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
          3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
          4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
          5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
          6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
          7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
          8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
          9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
          10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
          11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
          12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
          13. I will not throw up in the car.
          14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
          15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
          16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
          And, finally, My last question . . .
          Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

          P.S. When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

          very good

          Comment

          • threehills
            I heart Lollergirl
            • Jun 2005
            • 3641

            #6
            Re: To: God... From: the Dog

            Originally posted by RiseandShine
            Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
            Oh for pete's sake, there is a whole bus company names after dogs.
            It's never too late to become the person you always thought you would be.

            Comment

            • Localizer
              Platinum Poster
              • Jul 2004
              • 2021

              #7
              Re: To: God... From: the Dog

              has anyone ever noticed that all dogs bark at black people?
              Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.
              -Bertrand Russell

              Comment

              • DIDI
                Aussie Pest
                • Nov 2004
                • 16845

                #8
                Re: To: God... From: the Dog

                Mine barks at drunks, but seems quite happy with other drugs.
                Originally posted by TheVrk
                it IS incredible isn't it??
                STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
                Simply does not get any better than Hernan
                The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

                Comment

                • qwerty2222
                  Platinum Poster
                  • Jun 2004
                  • 1615

                  #9
                  Re: To: God... From: the Dog

                  mine barks at gipsyes and drunk people, vet told me it's because they carry a lot of smells

                  Comment

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