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1. About him:
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. [Which, then, would have to convert to yet another version? Suggestions?]
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS. He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.
2. about her
She is not a BABE or a CHICK. She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER. She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY. She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT. She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB. She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND. She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED. She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY. She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
She does not have a KILLER BODY. She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She is not an AIRHEAD. She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY. She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS. She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU. She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS. She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. [Which, then, would have to convert to yet another version? Suggestions?]
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS. He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.
2. about her
She is not a BABE or a CHICK. She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER. She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY. She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT. She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB. She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND. She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED. She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY. She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
She does not have a KILLER BODY. She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She is not an AIRHEAD. She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY. She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS. She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU. She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS. She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
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