A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[Troklo]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch."

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A young journalism student was assigned to write a human interest story. He went into the mountains to do some research. There, he found an old farmer sitting on his porch, introduced himself, and explained his mission.


The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you really happy?"


After a moment, the farmer said, "Yeah, one time my neighbour's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and found her. After we all screwed her, we took her back home."


"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't you think of anything else that happened that made you happy?"


The farmer thought for a minute and smiled, "Yep! One time a neighbour's sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. Then we all screwed it, and then took it back home."


Again, the young man said, "I can't print that, either. Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"


The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed, and after a few seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said,


"This one time, I got lost…."

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A gorgeous woman gets into a taxi. She says, "To the airport, please."


After a few minutes, the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says, "You're third pregnant woman I've driven to the airport today."



The woman, indignant, says, "You must be kidding. I'm not pregnant."



The taxi driver says, "Well, you haven't arrived at the airport yet, either."

[herogee]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch."

Priceless!

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a Jack and Coke along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said, "Jesus, why do I work so hard?" And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather." I said, "I thought that money was the root of all evil." And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad." I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?" He replied, "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Senor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

[Troklo]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I just spit coffee all over my computer!

[jasonemryss]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

not if I'm gonna have to explain it 5 times. that's rich.

[jarble187]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Tale of the Irish Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in?
We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them , went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.

[poults]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^^^
Rofl, a classic!

[shosh]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

One morning, this gay man woke up from a wonderful dream, only to hear his partner in the bathroom making grunting and moaning sounds. The gay man got out of bed, walked down the hall and opened the bathroom door. The gay man looked at his partner, masturbating with a condom on.

"What the hell are you doing???" he asked his partner.

The gay man's partner looked up at him sheepishly, "Oh... I was just packing your lunch!"

[shosh]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons' innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect."

To which one of the boys replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

[Kamal]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

4 Doctors were talking shop one day...

An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced,
we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and
have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a
lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking
for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced,
we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and
have them both looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We took an
asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the
country was looking for work the next day!"

[jamesalvarez]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There was a snake called Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. Theis lever was no ordinary lever. It was the lever that if moved would destroy the world. Nate took his job very seriously. He let nothing get close to the lever.

One day off in the distance he saw a cloud of dust. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was a huge boulder and it was heading straight for the lever!

Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder he could deflect it and it would miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran over Nate, but it was, in fact, deflected, leaving history to conclude that it was better Nate than lever.

[Kamal]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

wtf did someone come up with that when they were candy-popping?

[Jenks]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There was a snake called Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. Theis lever was no ordinary lever. It was the lever that if moved would destroy the world. Nate took his job very seriously. He let nothing get close to the lever.

One day off in the distance he saw a cloud of dust. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was a huge boulder and it was heading straight for the lever!

Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder he could deflect it and it would miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran over Nate, but it was, in fact, deflected, leaving history to conclude that it was better Nate than lever.

i love jokes like that.