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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
old and made up but still very funny!
old and made up but still very funny!
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....Freak in the morning, Freak in the evening, aint no other Freak like me thats breathing....
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
A new supermarket opened near my house.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.Comment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinnesses in 10 minutes."
Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.
One guy even leaves the bar.
A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"
"Sure," he says.
So, the bartender lines 10 Guinnesses up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.
As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"
The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
There are three cops that come to this bar everyday after work. Cop 1 and Cop 2 are veterans and Cop 3 is a rookie.
One day Cop 1 comes into the bar very happy, buying drinks, giving drinks, spending money. Cop 2 and 3 ask, "Why are you so happy, won the lottery?". Cop 1 replies, "No, I was having sex with my wife, missionary style, and when I was about to cum I shot my gun off and her pussy got so tight... man I had the best orgasm of my life". Cops 2 and 3 laughed about it.
The next day Cop 2 comes into the bar. He is all happy and jolly,bying drinks and having a great mood. Cop 1 and 3 ask, "What happened why are you so happy?" Cop 2 replies, "I tried your advice. I was having sex with my wife, doggy style, when I was about to cum, I shot my gun and just like you said it would her pusssy got tight as hell and had the best orgasm of my life".
The next day Cop 3 comes into the bar. He is very mad pushing people, kicking chairs and the other two veteran officers ask, "What happened?". Cop 3 says, "I took your advice. I was 69 my wife and when I was about to come i shot off my gun and the bitch almost bit my dick off and she shit in my face".Comment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
^ ah the belgicum sense of humour!
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.
The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the department manager, "Your fellow applicant answered question #5, 'I don't know.' You answered, 'Neither do I.'"
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
Proffessor doing a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions which was a pretty boring lecture. To spice up his lecture he turns to a pretty girl in the front and and says "do you know what your arsehole is doing while you are having an orgasm" to which she replied
"Probably out fishing and drinking with his mates"!
The largest room in the world, is the room for improvement!Comment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
A group on nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it.
Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son of a bitch,” he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn’t use such language.”
“Sorry, Sister”, he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. “Son of a bitch,” he yelled again.
“Please, don’t use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn’t help us.”
“But I get so upset, and it just comes out.”
“Well,” said the nun, “say something else when you get upset, something ike ‘Sweet Jesus, help me’”.
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped.
He started to say “So..”, but he corrected himself and said, “Sweet Jesus help me.” At that, the car just lifted up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car floating a foot above the ground and in unison exclaimed, “Son of a bitch!”If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite. - William BlakeComment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
A young cowboy walks into the town cafe. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowpoke, “If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do?”
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, “Nah, go ahead.”
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.
The old cowboy lifts his head up and looks the younger man straight in the eyes, and quietly says, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too.”If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite. - William BlakeComment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
”No, I’m your son’s teacher.”If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite. - William BlakeComment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
Guy comes home from work to see all of his belongings and furniture strewn about his lawn and clothes scattered all over the place.
He walks in the door to see his girlfriend throwing his shit out the window, extremely pissed off and basically wanting nothing to do with him anymore.
He runs in the room and says "Honey honey honey, what the fuck are you doing!!!??"
She says, "I hate you! my mom told me your a fuckin pedophile!"
He says back to her: "WHOA WHOA WHOA!! THOSE ARE AWEFUL BIG WORDS FOR A TWELVE YEAR OLD!!"Comment
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on
the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high
and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a
small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once
again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the
piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece
by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a
magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: 'Here. Rub it.' So the
bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a
beautiful genie is standing before him. 'I will grant you one wish. Just !
one wish~~ each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a
million bucks!' A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon
followed by another duck, then another, pretty soon, the entire bar is
filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your genie's a
little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12
inch pianist?'Originally posted by Hoff
ejejejejejejejejeje!!!!! you always delivering some good dogs shits !!!
thankyou
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
^
how many times have i heard that!
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Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....
^ tit!!!
the joke!!
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