A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Perhaps not very realistic for the wife to reach this way, but still quite funny nonetheless…
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice looking woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished , naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: ‘Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.’
‘Did you dance much ?’
‘I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys and we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to…. !!!!!!!!!

[KinKyJ]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Why is a married guy always fatter than a single guy?

A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting and goes to bed.

A married guy goes to bed, sees nothing interesting and goes to the fridge.

[Life on Other Planets AKA Johns]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^^ . nice one. will use that at work tomorrow

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

An old man is just back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.

Lying in bed,his new bride is playing with his manhood slowly stroking it up and down.

The old man says 'You must love that, you haven't left it alone since we got back.'

The bride sighed wistfully and replied 'No! .... I just really miss mine.'

[ger stokes]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

If its been posed before, sue me!

Whats brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

[TheMightyGreg]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^ You'll be hearing from my lawyer

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A poem for those affected by the credit crunch:
There was a young man called Dave,
who dug up a prostitutes grave.
She was mouldy ad shitty,
with only one titty.
But look at the money he saved!

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be ‘North Dakota’ for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls…the cow farts.
Ole is very surprised.
He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow’s current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.
When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, “Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens.”
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says, “You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn’t yah?”
Ole is very surprised since he hadn’t told Sven about his trip. “Yah, dats right. But how did you know?”
Sven says, “My wife is from Nordakota.”

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, ‘THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.’
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
‘It’s gone! It’s all GONE! ‘I lost everything when the power went out!’
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
‘Wait!’ he screamed. ‘That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?’
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES….

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man had lost one of his arms in an accident. One day he felt terribly depressed and decided to commit suicide.
He got into an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself. I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life. He hurried down to the street and caught up to the man with no arms.
He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and kicking up his heels again. The one armed man asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”
He said, “I’m NOT happy …. my ass itches.”

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, “Come on in.” Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.
A man on the couch says, “Are you the people who broke my window?” The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. “Actually, I want to thank you—I’m a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Fantastic!” says the husband. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem,” says the genie, “it’s the least I could do. And you, ma’am, what do you want?”
“I want a house in every country in the world,” says the wife.
“Consider it done,” the genie replies, turning back to the man. “And now for my wish. Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”
The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you don’t mind, honey, I don’t either.”
The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After he’s through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, “How old is your husband, anyway?”
“Thirty-five,” she replies.
“And he still believes in genies?”

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Im not a great fan of sausages,but those german ones are the wurst!

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^^ oh ffs

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man shouts downstairs to his wife 'can you come up here and give me a hand with this clock?'
When she gets up the stairs he's standing there naked with a massive hard on.
She says 'thats not a clock.'
He replies 'it will be when you get 2 hands and a face on it!'

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Paddy suspects his girl of seeping around,so he buys a gun and goes to her flat.
Sure enough,he catches her shagging another guy.....
Overcome with rage and despair he points the gun at his own head.
'Darling no! she screams.
'Shut the fuck up!' paddy says 'you and that bastard are next!'