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Yesterday my Mrs said she wanted a rape alarm, so being the perfect partner I am I granted her wish.
At 6.30 am this morning I tied her hands behind her back, taped her mouth shut and fucked her up the arse. Then I whispered in her ear "It's time to get up honey"
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.' The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up.' He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.' The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her Mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mother said, 'Why, yes, Why do you ask?' The daughter replies: They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?
I wonder if this new healthcare thing covers my pre-existing condition: AWESOMENESS.
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.' The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up.' He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.' The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her Mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?' Slightly concerned the mother said, 'Why, yes, Why do you ask?' The daughter replies: They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?
In the sleepy village of Erbum,near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire,lives a woman called Sue Lykes.She is the land-lady of the local pub,The Cock Inn.All her mail is addressed to:
Sue Lykes
The Cock Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts
In the sleepy village of Erbum,near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire,lives a woman called Sue Lykes.She is the land-lady of the local pub,The Cock Inn.All her mail is addressed to:
Sue Lykes
The Cock Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts
A new shampoo for ladies has just been put on worldwide release. The ingredients are :marijuana, anti-perspirant, kentucky fried chicken. Apparently it leaves your fanny high,dry and finger lickin good
Yesterday my Mrs said she wanted a rape alarm, so being the perfect partner I am I granted her wish.
At 6.30 am this morning I tied her hands behind her back, taped her mouth shut and fucked her up the arse. Then I whispered in her ear "It's time to get up honey"
Jib says:
he isnt worth the water that splashes up into your asshole while you're shitting
Originally posted by ace_dl
Guys and Gals, I have to hurry/leaving for short-term vacations.
I won't be back until next Tuesday, so if Get Carter is the correct answer, I would appreciate of someone else posts a new cap for me
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am very sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.
After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words." So the Colonel gives up again.
After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."
So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The bishops rejoice at the news.
Then one asks about the bad news.
The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."
I wonder if this new healthcare thing covers my pre-existing condition: AWESOMENESS.
2 men are in a bar,one of them decides to have a go on the bucking bronco machine.
He gathers quite a crowd round him as he lasts over ten minutes.
'Geez mate that was fucking impressive!' says one of the crowd.
'I get lots of practice' he replies 'my wifes epileptic!'
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