A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[fuctuup]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says.......
"Grandpa....Go home, you're drunk."

Thats a good one.

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There was a bit of a financial crisis in the family

so the missus was forced to go down on the corner and earn some money

She'd been gone all night, and when she finally came back up

her husband asked her how much money she'd made...


- I made 50 pounds and 2 pence !

- 2 pence ?? who the heck gave you 2 pence ?

- They all did

This I found rather funny

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Dad cooks deer for dinner one night and doesnt tell his kids they have to guess what it is and says
''its what your mother calls me''
At this his son shouts at his sister ''dont eat that,its a fucking ballbag!!''

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

2 babies are talking:
first one says
!jeez arnt you tired of pumpkin purity at breakfast
chicken noodle purity at lunch
beef purity at tea
chicken broth purity at supper"
Other baby says:
"dude you're lucky
I gotta share a tit with a guy that smokes camel filter"

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Nicknames in use that have been given to Glasgow characters by their
friends and workmates

Two Soups - his real name is Campbell Baxter.


Norrie Two Bunnets - the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his
cloth cap.


The Colostomy - the girlfriend of a married man (ie. The wee bag on the
side).


The Parachute - lets everyone down at the last minute.


Cashline - an experienced young lass who's open 24 hours a day.


Vaseline - his real name is Willie Burns.


Rembrandt - loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture..'


Brewer's Droop - his real name is Willie Falls .


The Genie(aka The Greenie!!!) - magically appears whenever anyone opens a
bottle.


The Marksman - when it's his turn to buy a round, he always shoots the
craw


Dulux - his pals reckon he's only got one coat.

Soapy - washes his hands of any problems that crop up.

The Gas Man - he's serviced loads of old boilers.

The Woodpecker - he's always tapping.

Mussolini - woman in a Glasgow office who has rather loose morals (aka the
great dicktaker).

[Kamal]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

2 babies are talking:
first one says
!jeez arnt you tired of pumpkin purity at breakfast
chicken noodle purity at lunch
beef purity at tea
chicken broth purity at supper"
Other baby says:
"dude you're lucky
I gotta share a tit with a guy that smokes camel filter"

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I used to date a girl with eczema.

She had a crackin pair of tits.......................

[Dhar_2]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^ oh dear!

[nick007]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^I agree with you for a change

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

taxi for Gavin

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

wots the difference between a wachine machine and a woman?
you dont have to hug a washing machine when you put a load in it!!

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

an irish girl goes to the doctor+asks for the pill.
doctor says 'you are already 6 months pregnant!'
she says 'i know paddys found another hole and i dont want a hump on my back as well!'

[Kamal]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

wots the difference between a wachine machine and a woman?
you dont have to hug a washing machine when you put a load in it!!

[ace_dl]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and
engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to
them ignores them at first,but her attention is galvanized
when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come First..
Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any more, 'You
foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.' She retorted
indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud
in public places about our sex lives.'

'Hey, coola downa lady, ' said the man.. 'Who
talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin my frienda
how to spell....... .. ......... . Mississippi .

I bet you're gonna read this
again!?*

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A woman who was beaten black and blue, goes to the doctor.

Doctor: What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes
home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband
comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start
swishing it around in your mouth....just swish and swish until he
Goes to bed."

Two weeks later she returns to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh
again.

Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came
home drunk, I swished with chamomile tea and nothing happened."

Doctor: "You see how much it helps when you keep your mouth shut!"