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Suicide Bombers to go on strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an
agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be
cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was
the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its
members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in
the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales,
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to
the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know
what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
Suicide Bombers to go on strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the
afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an
agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be
cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was
the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its
members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities
of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in
the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales,
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to
the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know
what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
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