A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days…
the brain had a terrible headache…
the stomach was bloated…
the legs got wobbly…
the eyes got watery…
and the blood Was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge !!

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man is in court for murder and the judge says, ''You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.''

Then a voice at the back of the court says, ''You bastard.''

The judge continues, ''You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer.''

Again the voice at the back of the court says, ''You bastard.''

The judge says, ''Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! What is the problem?''

The man at the back of the court says, ''Fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!''

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Housework was a woman's job in the family ... but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

The night went well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."

"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that ... well, Ralph was too tired."

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home.".

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience..

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said , "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A striking blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, "What is that?"
The helpful store clerk responds, "Why, it's a thermos."
Still curious, the blonde asks, "What does it do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," replies the clerk.
So she buys one....
The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What's that shiny thingy?"
She replies with authority, "It's a thermos."
"Oh," says he, "And what's it do?"
"Well," says she, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Then he asks, "So what do you have in there today?"
"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle."

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

An Ol' Kentucky Boy is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical Kentucky baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at
25 pounds, but the Kentuckian just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks like I said, my boy's a typical Kentucky baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" We heard one woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of t hat typical Kentucky baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Kentucky father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Coors beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had'm circumcised."

[Miguel]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

kwak kwak kwak

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

some good ones in there R&S

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

kwak kwak kwak

kwik

[GLD]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Keep 'em coming, the last one was baller.

[Miguel]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

kwik

keep em coming

[RiseandShine]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his board.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you just told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

[Dzone]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

In the immigration office:


Q.: "Name?"
A.: "Abdul Dalah Sarafi."

Q.: "Sex?"
A.: "Four times a week."

Q.: "No, no, no... male or female?"
A.: "Male, female... sometimes camel..."*

HAAHAAHAHAHAHAH ....that one got the whole office laughin