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Subject: Problem Thinking
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought would lead to another and
soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone, "just
to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became
more and more important to me and finally I was thinking all the time. I
began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix
but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I
could read Thoreau, Hesse, and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied
and confused asking, "Why are we here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I turned off the
TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at
her mother's. Soon I had a reputation as a heavy thinker. Then one day the
boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say
this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot
to think about. I went home early after the conversation with my boss.
Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been
thinking," and with tears in her eyes she said, "I want a divorce!" "But
Honey surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip
a quiver, "You think as much as a college professor! College professors
don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She began to cry again.
I'd had had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled and stomped out
the door.
I headed for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche with NPR on the
radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass
doors...they didn't open. Due to recent budget cuts the library was
closed. To this day I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass
whimpering for Narcissus and Goldmund or "The Glass Bead Game," a poster
caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's
Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
was "Porky's Revenge." Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job and things are a lot
better at home Life just seemed... easier somehow as soon as I stopped
thinking.
Soon I will be able to vote Republican.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought would lead to another and
soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone, "just
to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became
more and more important to me and finally I was thinking all the time. I
began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix
but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I
could read Thoreau, Hesse, and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied
and confused asking, "Why are we here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I turned off the
TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at
her mother's. Soon I had a reputation as a heavy thinker. Then one day the
boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say
this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot
to think about. I went home early after the conversation with my boss.
Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been
thinking," and with tears in her eyes she said, "I want a divorce!" "But
Honey surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip
a quiver, "You think as much as a college professor! College professors
don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She began to cry again.
I'd had had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled and stomped out
the door.
I headed for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche with NPR on the
radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass
doors...they didn't open. Due to recent budget cuts the library was
closed. To this day I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass
whimpering for Narcissus and Goldmund or "The Glass Bead Game," a poster
caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's
Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
was "Porky's Revenge." Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job and things are a lot
better at home Life just seemed... easier somehow as soon as I stopped
thinking.
Soon I will be able to vote Republican.
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