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I got this e-mail from a friend I had to share it with you guys funny shit here.
Here are a few people who wished they had thought a little longer before they...
1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, I" think I like playing with men's balls."
Collen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
3) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just lookingat
your nuts. "I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34 Ellerslie, MD
4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "if you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the bank tellers
stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
5) A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE
THIRTEEN,TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at
the rear of the store apparenty misunderstood the word "TAMPAX" for
'THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom, '' DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
OR THE KIND YOU POUND WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
6) Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three year
old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands. The restaurant was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed
to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh, Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are
you SURE you didn't have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!". While people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
7) This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story....We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!!!
I've actually seen the video of # 7 the weather man litearlly rann of the stage laughing holding his gut.
Here are a few people who wished they had thought a little longer before they...
1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, I" think I like playing with men's balls."
Collen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
3) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just lookingat
your nuts. "I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34 Ellerslie, MD
4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "if you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the bank tellers
stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
5) A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE
THIRTEEN,TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at
the rear of the store apparenty misunderstood the word "TAMPAX" for
'THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom, '' DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
OR THE KIND YOU POUND WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
6) Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three year
old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between
errands. The restaurant was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed
to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh, Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are
you SURE you didn't have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!". While people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
7) This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story....We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!!!
I've actually seen the video of # 7 the weather man litearlly rann of the stage laughing holding his gut.
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