Falling Apart :(

[DancingQueen]

Well last night I came home from work to find Chris waiting for me at the door. He sat me down and told him that due to a lot of stresses (mainly being broke) in his life, he needed to make some changes because he was at his lowest point in his life.

A little over a year ago, we agreed to let him follow his dream of becoming a DJ/Producer and he has worked so hard and everytime a plus came, 2 negatives would happen. This caused a lot of stress in our relationship, mainly financial, but I still kept supporting/motivating him because it is his dream and he is talented, and I believe in him.

Anyways, because of all of this, he had been doing a lot of thinking over the past 2 weeks and decided he couldn't keep bringing himself down, or bringing me down anymore. So yesterday he packed his things, and booked a flight to Calgary for Saturday night. I asked if I could go with him and he just didn't see how that would work right now....he said he needed a new start.

And just like that he is gone

He says he still loves me with all his heart and doesn't know what the future holds for us, but right now he needs to get his life back in order, and wants to do it on his own

I am a mess right now and I don't know what to do with myself. My parents are gone until the 27th out east, so I can't even go home. I don't know why I am even writing on here, but I didn't know what else to do

My heart is in a million pieces. I honestly thought that with everything we had been through together, that I would be with him forever

How do you pick up the pieces and move on? Do I wait for him to sort things out, or accept that it's over and move on?

[Kamal]

Re: Falling Apart

oh man, on the one hand I understand what chris is going through (I've had a very very close friend in NYC go through some really shitty times trying to chase his DJ dream) and on the other hand, it's unfortunately left you where you are.

we're here for you .....

[Garrick]

Re: Falling Apart

time heals all wounds. i know this stings a lot. i know you love him. best advice: stay busy. it'll get easier although i know it doesn't feel like it right now. sorry girl.

[TheMightyGreg]

Re: Falling Apart

A little over a year ago I split up with my girlfriend of close to 5 years, for no more reason than she wasn't sure she wanted to settle down at a young age (24). I was gutted beyond belief, and for a little over a week thought the only way to cope would be to quit my job and go travelling again so i wouldn't be around people and places that reminded me of her.

That would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Since not being with her i have achieved more and been happier than i ever have been before, and although that's not entirely due to me being single, it absolutely gave me the motivation and time to spend more time doing the things i love and spending time with the people i love.

I know it's hard to do now, but things like this have to be veiwed as an opportunity than a disaster. If you say that you were both down because of the strains put on your relationship, then maybe this will be beneficial to you both. I still think about my ex every day without fail and you will inevitably do the same, but from change comes opportunity to grow and develop in areas in your life you might have neglected while in a relationship.

Phew...heavy stuff. hope this helps a little

[DancingQueen]

Re: Falling Apart

I just don't get how you can leave someone you say you love so much?

[Steve Graham]

Re: Falling Apart

my girlfriend and I just went thru the same sort of thing late last year.. there was no black and white reason for why i had to move on, I just knew I wasnt in the same place she was.. it was very very difficult decision to make because she is such an amazing person, but I knew I was selling her short staying in a relationship I couldnt put 100% into, when I knew she was putting 10000%!
Also sucks because we own a house together and in this market it is going to be difficult to get that situation sorted out, but thats neither here nor there.

leaving the house was one of the most painful days of my life, pulling away in the U-Haul and saying bye to my dogs.. But I live on the beach and feel so much more relaxed and focused.. Her and I are able to maintain a really good friendship, which to me was the most important thing I was concerend about was losing her as a friend.. which may sound selfish.. but it was important

I still get to see my dogs whenever I want thank god! lol

Garrick is right, bury yourself in whats important to you, find something you are passionate about.. My ex started to go to the gym, goes to a dance school and works with some choreographers and plays on a softball team. Once you find stuff to occupy your time, and I dont just mean arbitrary stuff, but things you really enjoy, your mind will move on.. THATS the hardest thing is getting the mind to move on.. it doesnt by any means mean you are over him, or dont love him any more.

I'm sure he does still love you, as I still love my ex.. but just in a completely different way, and she deserves so much more from whomever she is with.. I am sure he is feeling the same way.

Just do not take it personal, do not try to fix it. because i am willing to bet, it is nothing you have done or havent done, and there is nothing you can do.. just be there to support and a as a friend

hope this helps a bit

[Jenks]

Re: Falling Apart

Garrick is right, bury yourself in whats important to you, find something you are passionate about.. My ex started to go to the gym, goes to a dance school and works with some choreographers and plays on a softball team. Once you find stuff to occupy your time, and I dont just mean arbitrary stuff, but things you really enjoy, your mind will move on..

^I'll cosign this bit of advice as well. It's THE best thing you can do in a situation like this. I dated my previous girlfriend for 4 years, she was almost the one. There were no problems, we were best friends, we lived together, but our lives just weren't in the same place. I didn't want kids, she did. She wanted me to stop with my music, i didn't want to. The hardest thing to do was decide to move on because 90% of our relationship was perfect. We split and i buried myself in the gym, my music, friends. A few months later out of nowhere I met the woman I am spending the rest of my life with. My wife is amazing. It's incredible what that missing 10% in the previous relationship means. Point is, you'll be fine and better more amazing things will happen to you in the future. It's cliche, but it's true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Getting through this time is indeed the tough part, but i promise you the other side is so fucking awesome.

head up.

[DancingQueen]

Re: Falling Apart

^^^^ I want to believe all of that, but I just can't see it right now...part of me keeps hoping he will get there and realize he's made a mistake and comes home

[Dhar_2]

Re: Falling Apart

Yike! Karen. Sorry to hear about this!

its never easy and all the above advice is great. i'm sure your kind words for me from a year ago could be put to good use here aswell.

it sucks but you'll battle on. life throws these twists and turns in to make us strong. lift your head up high and plough on. things have a way of resolving themselves!

We're behind you all the way!!!

[Steve Graham]

Re: Falling Apart

I want to believe all of that, but I just can't see it right now...part of me keeps hoping he will get there and realize he's made a mistake and comes home

that's to be expected, and yeah a lot of what we are saying wont make it all better RIGHT now.. but all you can do is control what you are able to control in your life, the rest just has to fall into place.. a few months, maybe even weeks from now, you will get it.

maybe you will be back with him happy and together, maybe you will be happy being friends, you cant know now, and trying to work it all out without it happening naturally is just going to prolong the healing process.

Jenks is spot on, and I felt the same way.. there was just that small percentage of something that wasnt right in my relationship.

[Dhar_2]

Re: Falling Apart

I just don't get how you can leave someone you say you love so much?

its an age old question that can never be answered.

[Shiva]

Re: Falling Apart

I just don't get how you can leave someone you say you love so much?

LOVE is the strongest force human nature knows, REAL love that is.
By leaving you for external reasons to ur relationship (dj/prod), that I personally do not agree with coz love should be above ANYTHING, your partner (or ex) just put himslef to the test towards you:
If he REALLY loves you, he will be back sooner than later, and running;
If not, well then there u have your answer (the negative one unfortunately) so you will have to be strong and keep walking no matter what. Depressing won't solve things and as Garrick said, u have to stay busy... I know it is harder said than done, but you have no alternatives.
And btw, maybe someone should tell him that by drinking he wont be solving things, he would rather be acting somehow "cowardly" (if i may say) hiding behind a drink.
Let him act like a man, take his responsabilities in hand, and use that energy he has left in finding ways to improve/solve his dj/prod career without making you (the couple) pay the price (directly or indirectly).

In the meantime, I guess you still have your friends at [MS] to find support whenever u feel down...

Good luck sweety!

[DIDI]

Re: Falling Apart

If I could I would give you a hug now It's so natural to ask how someone who loves can leave, but sometimes, even if we don't understand things, they just are.

Look after yourself , do things that make you feel better , even just a little bit. You're on this site so we know music is important to you. Listen to music you love even if it makes you sad sometimes. But most of all it's your life. Live it!! Others can only share it.

I really, really feel for you now

[Life on Other Planets AKA Johns]

Re: Falling Apart

Hey Karen sorry to hear the news. Like someone said time does heal all wounds even though u feel like shit now. I wanna wish ya all the best

[Lorn]

Re: Falling Apart

We love you Karen.
Go take a walk in a beautiful park. Let the peaceful serenity of nature relax you. Its ok to be sad. Maybe sit on a bench amongst the trees and cry a little. If you aren't ready to do that no problem.

Life bends so many ways. I wish pain wasn't involved. Its good to see you reach out. We will be here for you.