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My Fiance'/Girlfriend/partner passed this onto me, now we may note be married (even though we've got 5 week old boy), but still found the following quite amusing:
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be
home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.
Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night .........
whether you're here or not."
*******************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
*********************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and
storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
***************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
**********************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be
home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.
Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night .........
whether you're here or not."
*******************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
*********************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and
storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
***************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
**********************************
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.
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