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am i in?
i've babbled before about the losses of friends in the month of feburary as well as the last half of my life. close to, if not more than 20 in the last 16 yrs. it's fucking with my head, and yea i've been hitting the sauce tonite! i can't get past the first 10 minutes of a thomas schumacher set from last month. maybe it's b/c i can't get hold of anyone to talk to in person. i think about the loss of jibs as well as my old roomate this week and it just doesn't sit well with me. i lost my faith in a god or a religion a long time ago and despite that i've always tried to keep a positive point of view about life! for a long time i've believed in reincarnation, the idea that we have souls that walk a path towards greater understanding, stepping forward or backwards as they go. but thinking about the loss of those two and i see no reason for that progression. i couple the two of them with someone i lost when i was 16 and all i feel is anger! i shouldn't, and i know a lot of it is the alcohol, but i feel a loss i haven't felt in a long time. i'm NOT suicidal, so please don't get the wrong idea. i was once like that and i can honestly say it, I AM NOT THERE! i've just spent so much time in my life trying to feel right or even content in the world! and for a long time life has bored me, it just does.
and honestly, until i met the ms group at the meetup, i've never been one to open up to others. i'm babbling now b/c i guess i feel i can do so amongst people that know the part of me that matters most to me, but things are just eating at me right now.
i can't get no sleep! as the track goes, and that's something i really need right now, but the head won't turn off.
i've been rambling for a while now, and after looking at this i don't want to post this in GYY as the board has had to much to deal with as of late.
the majority of me wants to delete this all together, but part of me feels that venting and leaving it out there will be better.
VENT/RANT OFF!!!!
this doesn't belong here
i've babbled before about the losses of friends in the month of feburary as well as the last half of my life. close to, if not more than 20 in the last 16 yrs. it's fucking with my head, and yea i've been hitting the sauce tonite! i can't get past the first 10 minutes of a thomas schumacher set from last month. maybe it's b/c i can't get hold of anyone to talk to in person. i think about the loss of jibs as well as my old roomate this week and it just doesn't sit well with me. i lost my faith in a god or a religion a long time ago and despite that i've always tried to keep a positive point of view about life! for a long time i've believed in reincarnation, the idea that we have souls that walk a path towards greater understanding, stepping forward or backwards as they go. but thinking about the loss of those two and i see no reason for that progression. i couple the two of them with someone i lost when i was 16 and all i feel is anger! i shouldn't, and i know a lot of it is the alcohol, but i feel a loss i haven't felt in a long time. i'm NOT suicidal, so please don't get the wrong idea. i was once like that and i can honestly say it, I AM NOT THERE! i've just spent so much time in my life trying to feel right or even content in the world! and for a long time life has bored me, it just does.
and honestly, until i met the ms group at the meetup, i've never been one to open up to others. i'm babbling now b/c i guess i feel i can do so amongst people that know the part of me that matters most to me, but things are just eating at me right now.
i can't get no sleep! as the track goes, and that's something i really need right now, but the head won't turn off.
i've been rambling for a while now, and after looking at this i don't want to post this in GYY as the board has had to much to deal with as of late.
the majority of me wants to delete this all together, but part of me feels that venting and leaving it out there will be better.
VENT/RANT OFF!!!!
this doesn't belong here
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