what state of mind...

[lilsensa]

Re: what state of mind...

^^Highly doubt he is for one ending their life.

[coleby761]

Re: what state of mind...

Been there guys and I know it's a struggle. It seems the older you get it's easy to think "Is this all there is?" The same routine everyday, the stress of everything can be overwhelming. I lived my life afraid of everyhting, especially being a father.I don't look ahead or dwell in the past, live life one moment at a time. Also I wrote my ideas & thoughts in a journal, made lists of what I was grateful for and stopped drinking and doing drugs. i think it's all about perspective and if I'm looking at things negatively, then those will be my feelings. And defo find some people who have been through or are going through the same feelings. I began to take an interest in spirituality also. I know it's not for everyone but helped me in ways I can't even begin to describe. Take care guys and keep talking about. Peace Jeff

[scifi pi]

Re: what state of mind...

i don't understand you for real...you are arguing better end it all or live your life in a state of despair and self pity than change shit around and find something worth living for???

dude, you need a mental enema....

its like "you don't even know that you don't even know"....

[Shpira]

Re: what state of mind...

dude, you need a mental enema....

its like "you don't even know that you don't even know"....

Yeah your right. I don't know why I bother posting back. . .Have fun.

[highdesert]

Re: what state of mind...

"What's the purpose of life?" - the question sentient homo sapiens have been wondering as long as any other single question. In a religion dominated society, that answer is usually submission to a higher power with the philosophy of do good things and good things will happen but certainly there are enough examples of bad things happening to good people that spoil that adage.

I think the purpose is what you put in it. Consumer culture has turned most of us into empty shells that value what we have over what we are, certainly hard to swim against that stream without going mad. Until I met my wife a couple of years ago I felt really empty as a person. I had great friends, pretty good job, enough disposable income to travel and do the things I wanted yet I had a real empty hole that booze and all too often drugs were not filling up, just making the hole deeper.

I got really tired of the person I was, there did not seem to be a whole lot of meaning in being Epicurean (eat, drink and be merry). I've tried to be a better person, son, brother and friend, trying hard to give up all those selfish tendencies. Meeting my wife and sharing my life has been the biggest turn around for that. Now that we are expecting our first child I'm forced to realize how much further I have to go but life is the journey, not the destination.

I've always been a very closed individual emotionally, cold would be a fair description at times. For someone that feels things on more emotional levels, I couldnt imagine how much harder life can be. There is so much bad that happens, so much negativity albeit a majority of those feelings are generated by societies ills (greed, media, inhumanity). Sometimes life can seem like a shit hole but if you can only step back and look, the world is a beautiful place with infinite possibilites. Life and how you chose to live it is ultimately a your choice, feel blessed you even have opportunities, that you live in a society where you (for the most part) make your own decisions.

Let the demons of the past stay there, tomorrow always offers the opportunity to be better than today. Take pleasure in the simple things, like coffee and beignets at Cafe du Monde At least think about the good as much as or more than you think about the bad.

Shpira does have a good point about getting out of your element to find yourself. I've grown more as a person in the seven years since I've left LA than the 27 I spent there. Something about the way pine trees block every thing that just make that place feel like it closes in on you. Just being able to see the horizon is something that lightens my spirit, it is the small things sometimes that make the biggest difference. Hang in there, when you are a good person you will find your way or your way might just find you.

George Carlin succinctly summed it up, "Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things."

[Steve Graham]

Re: what state of mind...

making drastic changes is ALWAYS an option to better your life and mental well being

NOT making changes and making excuses as to why you cant is what keeps you where you are mentally and emotionally

[scifi pi]

Re: what state of mind...

Change is inevitable and one should welcome it with open arms. IMHO blatantly selling off your stuff and dumping everything around you is running from your issues rather than confronting them face on. Probably the most common mistake everyone makes when they are young. A huge mistake IMHO. It will only catch up to you and your issues and problems will only fester and get worse. "Cutting and running" doesn't solve anything.

[Steve Graham]

Re: what state of mind...

I think his post is getting misconstrued thats all

I wouldnt view that as running away if it is feasable for you in your life. Getting away and travelling isnt the same as running away, iMho

but if problems are that bad, then yeah, therapy is the answer

[Shpira]

Re: what state of mind...

Change is inevitable and one should welcome it with open arms. IMHO blatantly selling off your stuff and dumping everything around you is running from your issues rather than confronting them face on. Probably the most common mistake everyone makes when they are young. A huge mistake IMHO. It will only catch up to you and your issues and problems will only fester and get worse. "Cutting and running" doesn't solve anything.

Thats not what I meant by drastically changing things around. Your problems will always follow you; that is true for all unless the cause of your problems get dumped as well.
If you are generally unhappy and are searching for meaning you will not find it by continuing your everyday routine. My argument is that its necessary to take a pro-active stance in life not a reactive one. Each of us needs to search for fulfillment and more likely than not none of us will find true fulfillment but at least we will be happy in the search.
Life is a journey not a destination...as corny as that may sound that is true.
Basically this is what I meant...If you are unhappy about your job, quit. Its not the end of the world...if you are unhappy with where you live move, if you are unhappy with your friends go out and meet new people...take that leap.
People waste too much energy on despair when that energy could be utilized for more constructive things.
I guess my main point would be that no matter how bad things might get, no matter how bleak the outlook may be if you put your head down and concentrate on some goals you can always improve your situation. Slowly but surly your life can change for the better....no point giving up and ending it or joining the masses in a bleak and fruitless existence.
When I said sell your stuff and move I didn't mean move in order run away from your problems...You will always have problems no matter where you go, the thing is to make sure that overcoming those problems is ultimately worth it. If you feel that you are using up too much energy on something that is ultimately not worth it is the thing that gets ME down and in such a case IMO changing shit around or moving on is the best thing to do.

I have no problem with putting in work in order to get my fair dues as I imagine none of you have. It is when I put in the work and get nothing in return that gets me down and makes me wonder about the point of it all.

Thats all I will say on the subject. I think each of us needs to find his own way. In my personal experiance therapy doesn't work...I know it has helped some ppl but for me ultimatly it is pointless. I find that the way to a place of mental stability is a dificult path of constant self questioning and self analysis i.e. questioning one's own motives and desires. Each of us needs to understand who we are, why we are that way i.e. what things in our past made us that way and confront those things. Each of us needs to disolve our own identity and recrate it in a way that would improve not only our lives but the lives of those we hold dear to us otherwise we will never be happy or find true meaning.
Thats my oppinion anyway...you can disagree but I have found it to be true in more ways than one.

[Shpira]

Re: what state of mind...

p.s. by changing my life around I ended up discovering progressive house and meeting a guy who is now one of my best friends. The fiirst house party I went to was by chance a six hour set with John Digweed to which that friend took me and for which I am eternally grateful.
For me those two thing filled a void deep inside I never knew existed.

[Bender420]

Re: what state of mind...

first of all, thank you to everyone for your thoughts and support!

secondly, the reasons for my post was b/c i'm frustrustrated on a few levels. i haven't worked on a film in new orleans since july due to several circumstances completely out of my hands. b/c of that i've been driving back to the town i grewup in which is 3 hrs from nola ( new orleans ) to work with my dad whose a plumbing contractor. so basically i've been living there in order to pay rent in nola. on top of that, i don't have many really close friends there anymore plus there is absolutley nothing to do there. so i work and then shut myself up in my room doing nothing. also, b/c money has been very tight so i really couldn't afford to do anything anyway. on top of that, my mother and i have a rocky relationship at best and coupled with the fact that b/c of a cronic back problem for the last 20+ yrs, she's an even harder person to get along with. and over the last few yrs she's become increasingly hard on my father which adds to my frustration as well as makes everything in the house more of a headache! so i basically drive back and forth to nola every weekend just to sleep in my own bed and have a little time to myself.
all of this has led to me drinking a lot more on weekends than usual. for the last few months it seems like i've been drunk one half of the weekend and hungover the other half.
add all of that to the fact that i'm 33 and since i was 16 i've buried close to 20 friends! THAT'S JUST FUCKED!!! it's just hard to understand and make any sense of things.
add all of those ingredient together and pour in a large dose of alcohol and i couldn't sleep b/c my head wouldn't shut off and i just needed to vent. i didn't have anybody to talk to and that's why i posted here. the best thing about this board is that there are all these differing points of view and experiences and everybody is willing to share a piece of themselves for the help of others here.

thirdly, just as i just now stated, different things work for different people! so scifi pi and shpira thank you both for your thoughts, but please understand there is no absolute right answer to life. both of you have good thoughts on it, and age hasn't got much to do with it. many times in my life i've taken a step back to reevalute my life. and it's something that's worked for me.

fourthly, i've just started a workout program that is adding a lot of structure to my life at the moment and i've always liked exercising as a way to release stress. and that will cut back my boozin to a much better level. this past weekend was Mardi Gras so i knew i'd be hitting the sauce pretty hard. just wait til you see the pics and video's that clintlove will post!

lastly, please understand that i'm not in danger of doing something stupid! i just needed to vent and i did. it felt good to say something. so again thanks for all the thoughts, esp. kamal and steve for the texts. i'm glad more and more that clint and i crashed the p-cola meetup!

best wishes and much respect to the people of Mercury Server!!!

Jamey

[scifi pi]

Re: what state of mind...

Yo Jamey - I met you briefly but you probably don't remember me since most of you were "bent" at last year's meet-up. If you ever need to get away, your welcome to come to Pensacola and hang out, no special event required. Its just as far from NOLA as your hometown and their are many of us FSM'ers that you can stay with at no cost and no obligations. You can vent and rant in person, sometimes thats alot better and easier than having to do it online and in front of a computer.

and Shpira - great words and insight. And I apologize if I offended you - that was not my intention.

[Bender420]

Re: what state of mind...

thanks Olivier! yea, i remember you from the sunday bbq and again in november for the memorial at jelly.
clint and i are gonna try to make the island shindig in april.

[Shpira]

Re: what state of mind...

@ scifi pi
No problem man we are all free to express our opinions here...I didn't get offended I just felt unappreciated there for a couple of minutes
@ Bender
Glad to see your mood improving man...I was gonna suggest working out and setting up/maintaining some structure in life, a kind of timetable...that always ends up getting me out of a rut but I wasn't sure if your into working out.

[Mad'Em Fixer]

Re: what state of mind...

Jamey, you know you are always welcome here. As you know we are very close knit here and we take care of each other. You, as I hope you know are included in that group.

E