Deep Thoughts for the Day

[being clever]

"If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures,
I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures,
to teach him to do some tricks.
But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture."

- Jack Handey

[MJ]

Hmmm, i shall bare that in mind next time it happens.

[Morgan]

I'll feed MJ to those pesky beasts if he's not at Sasha@Fabric on the 11th.

[remy]

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."

"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."

"I'd rather be rich than stupid."

"If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward."

"Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick."

"As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!"

"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing."

"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."

"If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."

"I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on. "

[NokturnaL]

Re: Deep Thoughts for the Day

^^ I think that pretty much sums it up.

[thesightless]

i fi hate my job, do i really have to show up?

[rewing3]

i fi hate my job, do i really have to show up?

Good Question and hard to answer. I ask myself that same question sometimes.

[ezdude1970]

Re: Deep Thoughts for the Day

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting prettylate.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

[asdf_admin]

Morgan is really a guy ! ! ! ! !

[MJ]

I'll feed MJ to those pesky beasts if he's not at Sasha@Fabric on the 11th.

I`m trying man, i`m trying. Watch this space.

[remoh]

Re: Deep Thoughts for the Day

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose

Are men with pierced ears the best equiped for marriage as they
have experienced pain, and brought jewelery?


I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry. Because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of his life?



Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad



It's easy to get some lumber, nails and a saw to try to build something. Anybody can do that. But what's hard to do is taking a nap while someone is hammering and sawing.


Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.


If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

When you're a 10 year old kid walking to school and a car drives by through a puddle and splashes you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school that way or go home and change and be late for school. So while he was deciding, I drove by and splashed him again.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.