Better than fmylife

[Miroslav]

Re: Better than fmylife

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

[nsite]

Re: Better than fmylife

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

winner

[feather]

Re: Better than fmylife

^hilarious!

[i!!ustrious]

Re: Better than fmylife

(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.

(440): he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

(603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
(1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

(440): I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.

can relate

(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

bobjuice and shiva had too much curry that night

[Homegrove]

Re: Better than fmylife

Ewwww...

(403): let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.

[Funky Dredd]

Re: Better than fmylife

(314): his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

(831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

[DIDI]

Re: Better than fmylife

[Funky Dredd]

Re: Better than fmylife

(410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

[Johnnyboy]

Re: Better than fmylife

ouch!!!

(312): kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

EPIC!

(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
(1-972): I want to be a cop.

[Funky Dredd]

Re: Better than fmylife

(402): meow
(1-402): WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.

(816): dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine

WTF?

(703): I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
(1-703): I see a marketing opportunity

Ask Monica Lewinski...she might know

[i!!ustrious]

Re: Better than fmylife

(336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

sounds like a successful reverse-psy to use on a broad lol

(307): Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care

this is win

[Funky Dredd]

Re: Better than fmylife

(603): he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.

rofl

[nick007]

Re: Better than fmylife

(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

[nick007]

Re: Better than fmylife

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(81: Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

[nick007]

Re: Better than fmylife

(314): he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"

Best one yet!