Your contribution for joke of the year

[Trinity]

There's been some great ones this year.. lets see if we can put together the 10 best ones we've had. Here's another potential candidate...

A young man named John received a parrot as A gift. The parrot had bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's
mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried
to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,
playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the
bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John,
in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions
and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

[greg07]

Nice story!! the best i've heard today
i wanna have a parrot like this

[MJ]

LOL, i like that one sir.

I could post the `Why I Fired My Secretary` joke but it would be the fourth time i did... and thats just too much. Damn funny though. I`ll see if i can come up with another belter for you`s.

[Trinity]

LOL, i like that one sir.

I could post the `Why I Fired My Secretary` joke but it would be the fourth time i did... and thats just too much. Damn funny though. I`ll see if i can come up with another belter for you`s.

haha yuo have got to post that one, definitely a contender for one of the top spots!

[buckman]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

[diskofreak]

Re: Your contribution for joke of the year

hahah awesome,
ok i have a joke,
but its not that funny, but i like it..
ok,
so red riding hood is walking in the forest to go visit her grandmother, as shes walking by, she passes a bird, the bird says..
"o red riding hood, watch out, the wolfs looking for you, he said he was gonna rape you, fuck you really nasty, suck your tits dry..."
red riding hood says."don't worry i got something for the wolf right here"
so she walks in the forest a little bit deeper, and she come across a fox.. the fox says,
"o red riding hood watch out, i just saw the wolf, he was looking for you, he told me he was gonna fuck you really nasty, suck yuor tits dry..."
red riding hood said.." don't worry i got something for the wolf right here"
so red walks deeper into the forest, and who does she come across... the wolf!!
the wolf says.."ooo red riding hood, iv been looking for you... im gonna fuck you really nasty, rape you, suck yuor tits dry...
red ridding hood pulls out an 8 mm gun and says..
'No asshole, yuor gonna eat me just like the book says"
hehehehehehehhehehehe

[remy]

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........


They manage to swim to a small island.......and they lived there for a
couple of years..... doing what's natural for men and women to do.....

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing...................

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself...............

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
after a while nature once more took its inevitable course..............

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they where doing.....................

So...............










..........They buried her.

[remy]

and ...

---------------
What did the zero say to the eight?
- Nice Belt
---------------

---------------
What do you call cheese thats not yours?
-Nacho Cheese
What do you call cheese thats not yours in da hood?
-Nacho Cheese Motha fucka!
----------------

Posted before by me, but hopefully still funny.

[picklemonkey]

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong...

Funny joke, but it's even funnier when Musical Journey tells it

[Yao]

Two guys are suntanning their bits on the nude beach one day...

Suddenly one of them jumps up screaming and grabbing his crotch. His friend asks him what the hell happened, and the guys tells him he's been bitten in his dick. It's already beginning to swell up and getting purple and stuff, so they fear the insect that bit him might have been poisonous. So the bitten guy sends his friend off so search for a doctor to help him.
The other guy runs down the beach, his willy dangling while he runs, and he drops straight into the first beach bar he sees, yelling as he enters "Is there a doctor in the house!!??".

One man at the back answers affirmative, and comes up to the guy. He asks what has happened, and the guy explains everything about the bite, the swollen dingadong and it getting purple.
Then the doctor asks what the insect looked like that bit his friend, and the guy describes it to him.

The doctor thinks deeply for a minute and then sais: "Well...unless you take action, your friend is going to die from this. It's a very poisonous insect. So, what you have to do is this: you place your mouth on the bite mark, and suck out the poison. Make sure you really suck out all the poison, because even the slightest bit can be lethal!".

So the guy imediately runs back to his friend, who is still in pain and holding his crotch. His friend looks at him hopefully and sais: "And? Well?"

"I'm sorry man, there's nothing I can do. You're gonna die...".

[Steve Graham]

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........


They manage to swim to a small island.......and they lived there for a
couple of years..... doing what's natural for men and women to do.....

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing...................

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself...............

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
after a while nature once more took its inevitable course..............

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they where doing.....................

So...............










..........They buried her.

roflmmfao!

[master of puppets]

hahahaha nice one the last joke, the first joke is also very funny.

[msanchez]

A sandwhich walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, gimme a beer."
Bartender says, "Sorry, we dont serve food here."






OHH yeah..
'
KNOCK-KNOCK!
..who's there?
GO FUCK YA SELF!!

[BeachBum]

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........


They manage to swim to a small island.......and they lived there for a
couple of years..... doing what's natural for men and women to do.....

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing...................

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself...............

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
after a while nature once more took its inevitable course..............

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they where doing.....................

So...............


Sorry bro but that is SICK







..........They buried her.

[chanty]

Re: Your contribution for joke of the year

A man walks into a shrinks office wearing nothing but saran wrap shorts and takes a seat in the waiting room. A few moments later the doctor opens his door and looks around at his patients and points at the man in the saran wrap shorts and says " You're next sir, I can clearly see your nuts!"