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Im always a day late...so i probably am yet again but ill try anyways.
bill patricks article from RA
November 2004- Gamebreaker, cus breaking up is hard to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well not much to talk about....you can all breathe a sigh of relief cus this column will not be as long as the others....it's been a shitty couple of months in Bill Patrick World (that was the first time i've ever referred to myself in 3rd person and definitely the last)...in case you were
wondering, Bill Patrick world is different than the normal world...I hear you asking, "What makes it so different you disillusioned asshole?" Well to begin with, in my world, I am the most important person who ever existed...I am George Bush, Osama Bin Laden and Brittany Spears (and wow are my tits nice!). I rule the world and everything revolves around me. Now the trick to surviving in this world is, well....tricky. Sometimes I get so rapped up with my duties of Commander and Chief and being the center of attention that it spills over into the "normal" world. Which may come off as a bit pretentious and self absorbed (I'm allowed to say that about myself but if i hear it from anyone else, it will result in a Steven Seigal-like elbow to the nose.)
"What the fuck are you talking about?" is probably the first question that has popped into your tiny head.
Shut the fuck up and don't ask me questions. I've had a bad couple of months and I'm in no mood for your shit. I've already got enough questions I need answers too without your smart ass bugging me.
So shall we recap August and September? Why the fuck not...
August...sucked.
September...sucked.
and October' s not looking too promising...the change of seasons and all that clock changing shit...the weather gets colder (unless your reading this in South America or Australia, in which case, enjoy your summer)
I'm in a bad mood as I write this, in case you haven't figured that out...It's 2 in the morning and it's raining and the wind is blowing harder than that fat pig who went down on you in the bathroom stall last weekend (you were wasted and on 2 pills so I excuse you for hooking up with a porker...but you did fingerblast her and that is fucking gross. Move back 3 spaces and lose a turn.) The remnants of Hurricane Zelda is hitting New York...It's like the 18th hurricane that has hit the East Coast since August or something. Florida has been getting tea-bagged by Ivan and Jeanne and Walter (I dont know the names, all i know is that lots of trailer parks in the south have been destroyed and God hates white trash.) So I'm sitting by my computer like a little nerd, ranting like a bitch. And YOU are still reading this?!?!?!?
So you have to ask yourself...who's the real loser?
I'm just sayin.
First, to clear up any confusion, I guess I should let you know that I started writing this column in early September and have periodically gone back and forth adding stuff. Cus I know some of you dolts are saying "But Bill, the hurricanes happened in September and October and it's November now...What is going on??"...figure it out idiot.
The past couple of months have been shit...since September I have been dumped twice by two different girls. One of them a 3 and a half year relationship...
... I have been dumped so many times I am starting to smell like dogshit. On top of that, I haven't had many gigs outside of New York and George Bush is once again the president.
Keep me away from sharp objects.
So ladies, if any of you out there are looking to hookup with a struggling (dare i say, handsome?) DJ who will put his records and music before you and will probably hit you up for money and not pay for anything as well as party way too much and spend the little money he does have on records and drugs, then call me up!! That's right ladies, dreams do come true and it's in the form of Bill Patrick! (again with the 3rd person shit...never again, sorry.)
I guess I should talk about music and my gigs.
In case any of you are interested, I've done a new mix. I think it came out pretty good. One or two sloppy mixes but the music is cool and I like the flow of the cd (excuse
me while I stroke myself some more). Hopefully you'll like it. Feedback is great, so if you dig it, let me know. If you think it's crap and would rather listen to Bryan Adams and Michael Bolton masturbating to Celine Dion, let me know.
Go to www.112crew.com and download it from my mixes section. It's called, "The Art of Rabbit Folding".
There are a bunch of mixes up on the site from all of us. So take some time out of your day and listen to some good music. You'll feel better about yourself and have a renewed sense of confidence (not guaranteed). Plus the site has been moved to a
new (FASTER) server so it won't take 87 hours to download a 75 minute mix.
Side Note:
Hisham Samawi, Dennis Rodgers, and I are so God-damn good at NBA Street 2 on X Box that we cant wait for 3 to come out so we can go online and wreck everyone. We even made our own players and my guy is kinda chubby...like me (again, i can say that but ass-kickings will ensue if I hear it from anyone else.) His name is Bill Patrick but when we play I call him "Chubs"...cus he is chubby...get it?
fucking Kings of Comedy here.
So if anyone is up for an ass-whoopin then email me when you get your pudgy fingers on Street 3 and we'll set it up. Basically, I just called out the world...It's on!
Anways, October started off pretty nicely after a shitty end to the summer. A return visit to my home away from home, Argentina. Playing in the city of Cordoba at Factory. A quick in and out gig but still lots of fun. I flew in Saturday morning and got on the decks around 3:30 am. There was some big rock festival going on that night so it took a chunk out of the club but there were still around 700 crazy Cordobesas rocking out. Cordoba was actually the first city I ever played outside of the States. I've been going down there for the past 4 years so i've met some great people and pretty much feel and get treated like a local there. Lots of friends always coming out to support which makes Cordoba one of my favorite places in the world to play. This night, though a bit slower than usual, was still exciting. I got to play till around 7am and then headed back to the hotel for some quick packing and then off to the airport. I didn't get a chance to rock out like usual down there but I knew it was better off cus the next weekend was sure to be chaos with a 2 day Halloween party in St Louis. The crack-head techno snob capital of the world!!
Dennis Rodgers and I teamed up to take on the Alphahouse boys (Scaught, Andrew Rasse, and Joe Thomas). Always clued up and ready for great music, St Louis is another one of my favorite places to play. The Halloween party was thrown in the AlphaHOUSE. Literally, a 3 story house in the burbs of the Lou. The craziness went down in their basement that looks and sounds better than half the clubs in America. Dennis dressed up as a blue Power Ranger (note: the costume was for ages 7-10 and rode Dennis' ass crack and fit snug around his package. It was hilarious.) I was a Ladybug. Am I gay? Well that depends. But I was too lazy and pretty much just a dick and didn't feel like getting dressed up. So I bought ladybug wings and then ditched them 10 minutes into DJing. Loser.
Thanks again to all the homey's and homegirls in St Louis. You got served.
Back to New York on that Sunday and straight to Cielo to see my thong wearing brotha, Lee Burridge. Stayed for around 2 hours and headed to bed. Quality music as expected. Mathew Jonson remix on Crosstown Rebels is bananas. A nice birthday dinner for LB the following Tuesday and then back to the apartment to try on (and use) my new OVER THE SHOULDER Japanese Thong. HOT.
So our weekly Wednesday "Robots" party has moved venues and day. It is now every Friday at Cafe Deville (for you non-New Yorkers, thats on 13th and 3rd ave....which you probably have no fucking clue where that is so there was no point in me telling you that). Except this coming Wednesday when we have very special guest, Run Stop Restore (Magda, Troy Pierce, Mark Houle) at Canal Room. Then we are back at Cafe Deville. Confused yet?
The party has been going great despite all this changing of venue and day shit. Much love goes out to the faithful who continue to support no matter where we are. Look out for some more great guest DJ's in the new year. Check www.wearerobots.net for the low down.
So thats about it as far as gigs are concerned...You wont see me talking about all these exotic locations and far away lands cus i aint been going there. The farthest place i went was when i visited Egypt in that K-Hole two weeks ago...that was a nice get away. This is the life of a struggling DJ. I told you fuckers this is how it was gonna be in my first column. Don't believe me? Let me go grab the quote...hold on, i'll be right back............................ok, found it..."This will be my attempt to take the reader along for the ride as an "up and coming" DJ struggles to make a name for himself yet ultimately succeeds in becoming a world renown Superstar"
um, yeah, that whole part about being a "world renown Superstar" has been put on hold. Until the rest of the world catches up and realizes what good music is!!! Life sucks right now and techno aint paying the bills.
SO this is the life. Let this be a lesson to all you wanna-be DJ's out there saying "Wow, I want to be just like *insert my name here*. He gets to play all the best gigs, write his very own column, sleeps with the hottest women, has the greatest taste in music, plays all the best video games (and is great in all of them), and is loved and adored by everyone!"
Basically, the first two I mentioned are a result of me being a good DJ. The others are just a natural gift I was blessed with. So do you see the lesson here? Yeah, me neither. Just make one up.
Yeah go ahead and follow your passion for the music, but realize that if you have any talent for finding good music than your chances of actually making it are slim. Take a look at the Top 100 list. The top 10 (actually we can safely say that around 90 of the top 100) have the shittiest taste in music. Utter crap. Yet they get payed lots of money to spew that shit on the rest of the unexpecting E-heads.
LOL!!! Bitter am I? LOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! Fuck you.
Check it. One minute your up in the clouds playing gigs at Fabric and DC-10, the next your sitting at home on Saturday night playing Halo 2 online with 23 other geeks.
It's just a rough patch right now. But it will all come back around. Soon I'll be playing every weekend (I hope).
These low points make you appreciate it more when things do get better. Cus you know how it feels to struggle and be down. So next time you hear some over-paid, shit music spewing DJ complaining about how hard it is travelling and playing all these gigs. Do everyone a favor and kick him in the sack and say "Shut the fuck up you timmy. Nobody wants to hear you complain. Go kill yourself if it's that bad."
hmmmmmm...basically what the majority of you are saying to me right about now.....interesting...see how that all came back round....Genius imo.
Look, I just want you to make the right decision. Your all growns up and I worry about you. Don't make the same mistakes I did. You can do anything you put your mind too (except that whole Superstar DJ thing. I thought I just fucking told you that! Were'nt you listening to me?!?!?!?). Just know that if you need me, I'll be here. I love you.
ok...good talk.
So onto a brighter subject...
Politics and the Elections:
Fuck that!! I'm not talking about it. I don't fucking care anymore. This country (and world) is being run by simple minded, sister fucking, jesus loving, nascar racing, middle american assholes. The next 4 years should be fun. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Well, it looks like i lied. This column is just as long as the others. Deal with it.
So thats about it. Here are my Helpful Tips and Info to get you through the cold depressing winter.
1. Don't get dumped.
2. Don't get dumped twice.
3. Logsmith: pertaining to one who fashions objects out of logs or pieces of logs.
4.Bunkerbuster: to explode like a bomb inside a girl's ass.
(comments like that may be the reason why I no longer have a girlfriend. Just an observation. I should take note.)
5. Sunny Day Real Estate is the greatest band ever. And Jeremy Enigk's solo album is a masterpiece. Just popped these two albums in recently and I'm more depressed than ever. Awesome. Listen to them. www.subpop.com/bands/sdre/website/sdreflash.htm
6. Take time to acknowledge the homeless man or women on the street. They could have been the next Randy Macho Man Savage or Jenna Jameson if the cards would have fallen right. So don't be so quick to judge them just cus they're passed out in a puddle of their own urine, cum, shit, and puke. That could be you in 6 months if you don't find the right person to support you.
Don't ever get too comfortable with your life. If you are breezing by without a care in the world than something is wrong and expect to get dumped or fired or beat up within the next couple of months. In fact, if your life is perfect and you have lots of money, a hot girlfriend/boyfriend husband/wife, love your job and have no family problems then come see me and I will beat you up, you miserable fuck.
One love.
Keep it fake
-b
Disclaimer: The opinions and views stated above are those soley of Bill Patrick and do not represnt those of Resident Advisor....i feel like i need to say that before some pussy goes and complains to RA cus of something I said. If anyone has a problem (or a compliment
you know how to get in touch with me (for you idiots that don't, my email is up on the top of this page.)
ps...Thanks to everyone who has read this column and my previous ones. I am going through some soul searching right now and I appreciate all the support. I want to give a shout out to the Supreme Being, Allah. Mad love to Jesus Christ for guiding me through these rough times. To Briana Banks for giving me a hand (my right one) through the breakups. I want to give a huge serving of grits and gravy to Paul and everyone at Resident Advisor for letting me rant and rave (when i dance it's like liquid), bitch and complain, and basically just speak my mind without ever editing or censoring me (except for my horrible grammar). And huge respect to myself for not committing homicide, suicide, genocide, or incesticide. When all is said and done, I still have my good looks and that will get you further in life than anything else.
- bill patrick
bill patricks article from RA
November 2004- Gamebreaker, cus breaking up is hard to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well not much to talk about....you can all breathe a sigh of relief cus this column will not be as long as the others....it's been a shitty couple of months in Bill Patrick World (that was the first time i've ever referred to myself in 3rd person and definitely the last)...in case you were
wondering, Bill Patrick world is different than the normal world...I hear you asking, "What makes it so different you disillusioned asshole?" Well to begin with, in my world, I am the most important person who ever existed...I am George Bush, Osama Bin Laden and Brittany Spears (and wow are my tits nice!). I rule the world and everything revolves around me. Now the trick to surviving in this world is, well....tricky. Sometimes I get so rapped up with my duties of Commander and Chief and being the center of attention that it spills over into the "normal" world. Which may come off as a bit pretentious and self absorbed (I'm allowed to say that about myself but if i hear it from anyone else, it will result in a Steven Seigal-like elbow to the nose.)
"What the fuck are you talking about?" is probably the first question that has popped into your tiny head.
Shut the fuck up and don't ask me questions. I've had a bad couple of months and I'm in no mood for your shit. I've already got enough questions I need answers too without your smart ass bugging me.
So shall we recap August and September? Why the fuck not...
August...sucked.
September...sucked.
and October' s not looking too promising...the change of seasons and all that clock changing shit...the weather gets colder (unless your reading this in South America or Australia, in which case, enjoy your summer)
I'm in a bad mood as I write this, in case you haven't figured that out...It's 2 in the morning and it's raining and the wind is blowing harder than that fat pig who went down on you in the bathroom stall last weekend (you were wasted and on 2 pills so I excuse you for hooking up with a porker...but you did fingerblast her and that is fucking gross. Move back 3 spaces and lose a turn.) The remnants of Hurricane Zelda is hitting New York...It's like the 18th hurricane that has hit the East Coast since August or something. Florida has been getting tea-bagged by Ivan and Jeanne and Walter (I dont know the names, all i know is that lots of trailer parks in the south have been destroyed and God hates white trash.) So I'm sitting by my computer like a little nerd, ranting like a bitch. And YOU are still reading this?!?!?!?
So you have to ask yourself...who's the real loser?
I'm just sayin.
First, to clear up any confusion, I guess I should let you know that I started writing this column in early September and have periodically gone back and forth adding stuff. Cus I know some of you dolts are saying "But Bill, the hurricanes happened in September and October and it's November now...What is going on??"...figure it out idiot.
The past couple of months have been shit...since September I have been dumped twice by two different girls. One of them a 3 and a half year relationship...
... I have been dumped so many times I am starting to smell like dogshit. On top of that, I haven't had many gigs outside of New York and George Bush is once again the president.
Keep me away from sharp objects.
So ladies, if any of you out there are looking to hookup with a struggling (dare i say, handsome?) DJ who will put his records and music before you and will probably hit you up for money and not pay for anything as well as party way too much and spend the little money he does have on records and drugs, then call me up!! That's right ladies, dreams do come true and it's in the form of Bill Patrick! (again with the 3rd person shit...never again, sorry.)
I guess I should talk about music and my gigs.
In case any of you are interested, I've done a new mix. I think it came out pretty good. One or two sloppy mixes but the music is cool and I like the flow of the cd (excuse
me while I stroke myself some more). Hopefully you'll like it. Feedback is great, so if you dig it, let me know. If you think it's crap and would rather listen to Bryan Adams and Michael Bolton masturbating to Celine Dion, let me know.
Go to www.112crew.com and download it from my mixes section. It's called, "The Art of Rabbit Folding".
There are a bunch of mixes up on the site from all of us. So take some time out of your day and listen to some good music. You'll feel better about yourself and have a renewed sense of confidence (not guaranteed). Plus the site has been moved to a
new (FASTER) server so it won't take 87 hours to download a 75 minute mix.
Side Note:
Hisham Samawi, Dennis Rodgers, and I are so God-damn good at NBA Street 2 on X Box that we cant wait for 3 to come out so we can go online and wreck everyone. We even made our own players and my guy is kinda chubby...like me (again, i can say that but ass-kickings will ensue if I hear it from anyone else.) His name is Bill Patrick but when we play I call him "Chubs"...cus he is chubby...get it?
fucking Kings of Comedy here.
So if anyone is up for an ass-whoopin then email me when you get your pudgy fingers on Street 3 and we'll set it up. Basically, I just called out the world...It's on!
Anways, October started off pretty nicely after a shitty end to the summer. A return visit to my home away from home, Argentina. Playing in the city of Cordoba at Factory. A quick in and out gig but still lots of fun. I flew in Saturday morning and got on the decks around 3:30 am. There was some big rock festival going on that night so it took a chunk out of the club but there were still around 700 crazy Cordobesas rocking out. Cordoba was actually the first city I ever played outside of the States. I've been going down there for the past 4 years so i've met some great people and pretty much feel and get treated like a local there. Lots of friends always coming out to support which makes Cordoba one of my favorite places in the world to play. This night, though a bit slower than usual, was still exciting. I got to play till around 7am and then headed back to the hotel for some quick packing and then off to the airport. I didn't get a chance to rock out like usual down there but I knew it was better off cus the next weekend was sure to be chaos with a 2 day Halloween party in St Louis. The crack-head techno snob capital of the world!!
Dennis Rodgers and I teamed up to take on the Alphahouse boys (Scaught, Andrew Rasse, and Joe Thomas). Always clued up and ready for great music, St Louis is another one of my favorite places to play. The Halloween party was thrown in the AlphaHOUSE. Literally, a 3 story house in the burbs of the Lou. The craziness went down in their basement that looks and sounds better than half the clubs in America. Dennis dressed up as a blue Power Ranger (note: the costume was for ages 7-10 and rode Dennis' ass crack and fit snug around his package. It was hilarious.) I was a Ladybug. Am I gay? Well that depends. But I was too lazy and pretty much just a dick and didn't feel like getting dressed up. So I bought ladybug wings and then ditched them 10 minutes into DJing. Loser.
Thanks again to all the homey's and homegirls in St Louis. You got served.
Back to New York on that Sunday and straight to Cielo to see my thong wearing brotha, Lee Burridge. Stayed for around 2 hours and headed to bed. Quality music as expected. Mathew Jonson remix on Crosstown Rebels is bananas. A nice birthday dinner for LB the following Tuesday and then back to the apartment to try on (and use) my new OVER THE SHOULDER Japanese Thong. HOT.
So our weekly Wednesday "Robots" party has moved venues and day. It is now every Friday at Cafe Deville (for you non-New Yorkers, thats on 13th and 3rd ave....which you probably have no fucking clue where that is so there was no point in me telling you that). Except this coming Wednesday when we have very special guest, Run Stop Restore (Magda, Troy Pierce, Mark Houle) at Canal Room. Then we are back at Cafe Deville. Confused yet?
The party has been going great despite all this changing of venue and day shit. Much love goes out to the faithful who continue to support no matter where we are. Look out for some more great guest DJ's in the new year. Check www.wearerobots.net for the low down.
So thats about it as far as gigs are concerned...You wont see me talking about all these exotic locations and far away lands cus i aint been going there. The farthest place i went was when i visited Egypt in that K-Hole two weeks ago...that was a nice get away. This is the life of a struggling DJ. I told you fuckers this is how it was gonna be in my first column. Don't believe me? Let me go grab the quote...hold on, i'll be right back............................ok, found it..."This will be my attempt to take the reader along for the ride as an "up and coming" DJ struggles to make a name for himself yet ultimately succeeds in becoming a world renown Superstar"
um, yeah, that whole part about being a "world renown Superstar" has been put on hold. Until the rest of the world catches up and realizes what good music is!!! Life sucks right now and techno aint paying the bills.
SO this is the life. Let this be a lesson to all you wanna-be DJ's out there saying "Wow, I want to be just like *insert my name here*. He gets to play all the best gigs, write his very own column, sleeps with the hottest women, has the greatest taste in music, plays all the best video games (and is great in all of them), and is loved and adored by everyone!"
Basically, the first two I mentioned are a result of me being a good DJ. The others are just a natural gift I was blessed with. So do you see the lesson here? Yeah, me neither. Just make one up.
Yeah go ahead and follow your passion for the music, but realize that if you have any talent for finding good music than your chances of actually making it are slim. Take a look at the Top 100 list. The top 10 (actually we can safely say that around 90 of the top 100) have the shittiest taste in music. Utter crap. Yet they get payed lots of money to spew that shit on the rest of the unexpecting E-heads.
LOL!!! Bitter am I? LOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! Fuck you.
Check it. One minute your up in the clouds playing gigs at Fabric and DC-10, the next your sitting at home on Saturday night playing Halo 2 online with 23 other geeks.
It's just a rough patch right now. But it will all come back around. Soon I'll be playing every weekend (I hope).
These low points make you appreciate it more when things do get better. Cus you know how it feels to struggle and be down. So next time you hear some over-paid, shit music spewing DJ complaining about how hard it is travelling and playing all these gigs. Do everyone a favor and kick him in the sack and say "Shut the fuck up you timmy. Nobody wants to hear you complain. Go kill yourself if it's that bad."
hmmmmmm...basically what the majority of you are saying to me right about now.....interesting...see how that all came back round....Genius imo.
Look, I just want you to make the right decision. Your all growns up and I worry about you. Don't make the same mistakes I did. You can do anything you put your mind too (except that whole Superstar DJ thing. I thought I just fucking told you that! Were'nt you listening to me?!?!?!?). Just know that if you need me, I'll be here. I love you.
ok...good talk.
So onto a brighter subject...
Politics and the Elections:
Fuck that!! I'm not talking about it. I don't fucking care anymore. This country (and world) is being run by simple minded, sister fucking, jesus loving, nascar racing, middle american assholes. The next 4 years should be fun. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Well, it looks like i lied. This column is just as long as the others. Deal with it.
So thats about it. Here are my Helpful Tips and Info to get you through the cold depressing winter.
1. Don't get dumped.
2. Don't get dumped twice.
3. Logsmith: pertaining to one who fashions objects out of logs or pieces of logs.
4.Bunkerbuster: to explode like a bomb inside a girl's ass.
(comments like that may be the reason why I no longer have a girlfriend. Just an observation. I should take note.)
5. Sunny Day Real Estate is the greatest band ever. And Jeremy Enigk's solo album is a masterpiece. Just popped these two albums in recently and I'm more depressed than ever. Awesome. Listen to them. www.subpop.com/bands/sdre/website/sdreflash.htm
6. Take time to acknowledge the homeless man or women on the street. They could have been the next Randy Macho Man Savage or Jenna Jameson if the cards would have fallen right. So don't be so quick to judge them just cus they're passed out in a puddle of their own urine, cum, shit, and puke. That could be you in 6 months if you don't find the right person to support you.
Don't ever get too comfortable with your life. If you are breezing by without a care in the world than something is wrong and expect to get dumped or fired or beat up within the next couple of months. In fact, if your life is perfect and you have lots of money, a hot girlfriend/boyfriend husband/wife, love your job and have no family problems then come see me and I will beat you up, you miserable fuck.
One love.
Keep it fake
-b
Disclaimer: The opinions and views stated above are those soley of Bill Patrick and do not represnt those of Resident Advisor....i feel like i need to say that before some pussy goes and complains to RA cus of something I said. If anyone has a problem (or a compliment
you know how to get in touch with me (for you idiots that don't, my email is up on the top of this page.)ps...Thanks to everyone who has read this column and my previous ones. I am going through some soul searching right now and I appreciate all the support. I want to give a shout out to the Supreme Being, Allah. Mad love to Jesus Christ for guiding me through these rough times. To Briana Banks for giving me a hand (my right one) through the breakups. I want to give a huge serving of grits and gravy to Paul and everyone at Resident Advisor for letting me rant and rave (when i dance it's like liquid), bitch and complain, and basically just speak my mind without ever editing or censoring me (except for my horrible grammar). And huge respect to myself for not committing homicide, suicide, genocide, or incesticide. When all is said and done, I still have my good looks and that will get you further in life than anything else.
- bill patrick
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