Tweet
Re: My life is fucking over
Guys I have a rare moment today when I can respond to this thread calmly.
I really really appreciate everyone being here. It is seriously extremely hard for me and I've had to force myself to be at work because being at home would just be worse, and getting random flashes and tearing up in front of my computer. The colleagues I have confided in have been amazingly supportive too.
I have taken on board all that is said, and a rational part of me who still observes dispassionately knows we have been here before, just not to such an extreme.
And being disppasionate, I know when we first met, I had a crush on her which lead to her being on a pedestal, and to be honest when we first got together I couldn't believe it happened.
Which naturally put me in a position where I have always felt somewhat inadequate or I was lucky she was even with me.
But by the same token it has made me want to be a better person, she did bring out the best in me. To me, being in a relationship isn't just about being happy, but what the relationship makes me into. Who I want to be for her and our sake, is a reflection of how amazing our love and relationship is.
(And I suppose her going off the rails is a reflection of how she feels and how much she is hurting. And it is fucking me up because she is alone in Sydney with no support. I am in no position to offer her help when I can't even communicate with her without her telling me how much I disgust her or how she hates me. That is really really fucking me up that I cannot do anything and there is nobody here for her.)
I don't know if that is the right way to go about it, but I had thought it brought out the best in us, but unfortunately, the worst too as simon said.
I made a promise before that I would, if I could, make her world a better place and I guess because of that, it has always lead to me assuming the wrong and trying to fix things.
I know all your advice is spot on but all I can think of is for a chance to fix things.
But I guess it is out of my hands now even though I will keep trying. I just feel so fucking ashamed.
Guys I have a rare moment today when I can respond to this thread calmly.
I really really appreciate everyone being here. It is seriously extremely hard for me and I've had to force myself to be at work because being at home would just be worse, and getting random flashes and tearing up in front of my computer. The colleagues I have confided in have been amazingly supportive too.
I have taken on board all that is said, and a rational part of me who still observes dispassionately knows we have been here before, just not to such an extreme.
And being disppasionate, I know when we first met, I had a crush on her which lead to her being on a pedestal, and to be honest when we first got together I couldn't believe it happened.
Which naturally put me in a position where I have always felt somewhat inadequate or I was lucky she was even with me.
But by the same token it has made me want to be a better person, she did bring out the best in me. To me, being in a relationship isn't just about being happy, but what the relationship makes me into. Who I want to be for her and our sake, is a reflection of how amazing our love and relationship is.
(And I suppose her going off the rails is a reflection of how she feels and how much she is hurting. And it is fucking me up because she is alone in Sydney with no support. I am in no position to offer her help when I can't even communicate with her without her telling me how much I disgust her or how she hates me. That is really really fucking me up that I cannot do anything and there is nobody here for her.)
I don't know if that is the right way to go about it, but I had thought it brought out the best in us, but unfortunately, the worst too as simon said.
I made a promise before that I would, if I could, make her world a better place and I guess because of that, it has always lead to me assuming the wrong and trying to fix things.
I know all your advice is spot on but all I can think of is for a chance to fix things.
But I guess it is out of my hands now even though I will keep trying. I just feel so fucking ashamed.
Now maybe you concentrate on something important, like are you coming to Melbourne for Sasha ?? 
Comment