Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

Collapse
X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • trick12
    Are you Kidding me??
    • Jul 2007
    • 4412

    Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

    WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Tuesday, nearly 20 percent of U.S. citizens now believe Barack Obama is a cactus, the most Americans to identify the president as a water- retaining desert plant since he took office.

    A growing segment of the population believes the president is pollinated by moths and hummingbirds.

    The poll, conducted by the Pew Research Center, found a sharp rise in the number of Americans who say they firmly believe Obama was either born a cactus, became a cactus during his youth, or has questionable links to the Cactaceae family.

    "We asked people of varying races, ages, and backgrounds the same question: 'What is President Barack Obama?'" Pew spokeswoman Jodi Miller told reporters. "And a fifth of them responded, 'A cactus.'"

    According to the poll, Obama has lost favor among many voters who supported his candidacy in 2008 but have since come to doubt he is a mammal. While these Americans concede Obama may not specifically be a cactus, most believe he is a plant of some kind, with 18 percent saying the president is a ficus, 37 percent believing him to be a grain such as wheat or millet, and 12 percent convinced he is an old-growth forest in Northern California.

    When asked why they agreed with the statement "President Obama is a large succulent plant composed of specialized cells designed for water retention in arid climates," many responded that they "just know," claiming the president only acts like a human being for political purposes and is truly a cactus at heart.

    A number of polled Americans identified the above as a photo of President Obama.

    White House officials have asserted that the nation's 44th president is a person.

    "You can't go a day without hearing how Obama's a radical cactus sympathizer who wants to sap America of all its drinking water, or how he was actually born in the Kalahari Desert," said media critic Lynn Pelmont, referring to cable news outlets that suggest the president has prickly spines he uses to protect himself from thirsty animals. "For a man who prides himself on delivering a coherent message, there's an awful lot of confusion out there about whether he's a Harvard Law graduate or a leafless flowering shrub."

    "He must speak frankly to the American people about his mammalian background," Pelmont added. "If not, it's only a matter of time before people start believing those fringe bloggers who claim the president of the United States is actually an old washing machine."

    Some Beltway observers have accused Republicans of tacitly encouraging the cactus rumor, pointing out that if millions of voters believe Obama produces buds through spirally arranged areoles situated along his stem, the GOP has a much better chance of retaking Congress in November.

    "If the president says he is a human being, I'll take him at his word," Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said Sunday on Meet the Press. "Though I've never heard him complain about being thirsty. Not once. That could be a coincidence, I suppose, but it's really not my place to say."

    During a Wednesday morning briefing, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs once again denied that President Obama is a cactus, citing numerous physiological attributes of the nation's chief executive, including his ability to walk upright and to manipulate objects with his opposable thumbs.

    "Cacti don't talk," said Gibbs, shaking his head. "They just don't."

    President Barack Hussein Obama was born Aug. 4, 1961 in Honolulu, HI to parents Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, Sr. From the ages of 6 to 10 he lived with his mother and stepfather in Indonesia, where he attended Besuki Public School and St. Francis of Assisi Catholic School. In 1971, Obama returned to Hawaii, where he was raised primarily by his grandmother until he left home to attend Occidental College in Los Angeles.

    "I don't care what he says or what his people say or what anybody else says," 48-year-old Kansas resident Jake Nolan told reporters. "The guy's a cactus, plain and simple. I mean, Christ, look at him."

    Life's pretty fast..blup..blup...We made it!!
  • i!!ustrious
    I got some N64 Games Yo!!
    • Mar 2008
    • 12308

    #2
    Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

    Aye, we Americans believe in some very strange things I must say brotha!

    (((( }-d|-__-|b-{ ))))

    Comment

    • floridaorange
      I'm merely a humble butler
      • Dec 2005
      • 29116

      #3
      Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

      Those folks over at "the onion" have a rapists wit.

      It was fun while it lasted...

      Comment

      • 88Mariner
        My dick is smaller
        • Nov 2006
        • 7128

        #4
        Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

        in other news, 3 of every 4 americans make up 75% of the US population.
        you could put an Emfire release on for 2 minutes and you would be a sleep before it finishes - Chunky

        it's RA. they'd blow their load all over some stupid 20 minute loop of a snare if it had a quirky flange setting. - Tiddles

        Am I somewhere....in the corners of your mind....

        ----PEACE-----

        Comment

        • bobjuice
          Banned
          • May 2008
          • 4894

          #5
          Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

          98% of all internet statistics are simply made up by idiots

          Comment

          • res0nat0r
            Someone MARRY ME!! LOL
            • May 2006
            • 14475

            #6
            Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

            Also: statistics show that 55% of all statistics are incorrect.

            Comment

            • bobjuice
              Banned
              • May 2008
              • 4894

              #7
              Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

              Originally posted by res0nat0r
              Also: statistics show that 55% of all statistics are incorrect.
              A third of all people who were asked to convert two thirds into metric from a fraction were found to be outnumbered by those who weren't asked

              Comment

              • res0nat0r
                Someone MARRY ME!! LOL
                • May 2006
                • 14475

                #8
                Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                heheh

                Comment

                • runningman
                  Playa I'm a Sooth Saya
                  • Jun 2004
                  • 5995

                  #9
                  Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                  I'm glad you admit Reso that your gov't stats are usually wrong.

                  Comment

                  • res0nat0r
                    Someone MARRY ME!! LOL
                    • May 2006
                    • 14475

                    #10
                    Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                    Statistics show that 65% of all responses to my responses are incorrect.

                    Comment

                    • Jenks
                      I'm kind of a big deal.
                      • Jun 2004
                      • 10250

                      #11
                      Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                      Comment

                      • res0nat0r
                        Someone MARRY ME!! LOL
                        • May 2006
                        • 14475

                        #12
                        Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                        Sex Panther!!! 60% of the time....

                        Comment

                        • floridaorange
                          I'm merely a humble butler
                          • Dec 2005
                          • 29116

                          #13
                          Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                          "The Onion"

                          ...anyone?

                          It was fun while it lasted...

                          Comment

                          • DIDI
                            Aussie Pest
                            • Nov 2004
                            • 16845

                            #14
                            Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                            Love the Onion
                            Originally posted by TheVrk
                            it IS incredible isn't it??
                            STILL pumpin out great set after great set...never cheesed out, never sold out, never lost his touch..
                            Simply does not get any better than Hernan
                            The 'club spirit' is in the soul. It Never Dies

                            Comment

                            • floridaorange
                              I'm merely a humble butler
                              • Dec 2005
                              • 29116

                              #15
                              Re: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

                              ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Lots of bots the past couple days on here


                              It was fun while it lasted...

                              Comment

                              Working...