A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[lilsensa]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Mick said to Paddy "Close your curtains the next time your shaggin your
wife!".

"Why?" said Paddy.

"Because yesterday you were shaggin her and the whole street was out
watching and laughing at you!"

"Well" said Paddy, "The jokes on them idiots, I wasn't even home yesterday!"

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland the
teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my
mum
said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says,
"My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next
door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad
says
it will take the contagious."

now that was funny!

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

whats the difference between an eithiopian and a pair of jeans?
a pair of jeans only has one fly on them!!!

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

U.K. X-FACTOR JOKE

what do you call a woman with two cunts????

john and edwards mum!!

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

irishman takes his goldfish to the vet and tells him he thinks its got epilepsy.
the vet says ''it looks calm enough to me''
paddy says to the vet ''aye,you havent seen him out of the tank yet!!''

[Johnnyboy]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Did you hear, two antennas just got married… The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was great.

Two jumper cables walked into a bar and demanded drinks… The bartender said sure, as long as you don’t start something

[ace_dl]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese detective...the cheapest one he could find.
This is his report....
"Most honourable sir!
You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee,
Cheng Lee

[floridaorange]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[Micko]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland the
teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my
mum
said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says,
"My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next
door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad
says
it will take the contagious."

Breaking my arse laughing

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A maths teacher asks a boy called Roger 'if you had £500 and gave £100 to Mary,£100 to Sally,£100 to Susan and £100 to Anne,what would you have?'
Roger replies 'an orgy!'

[Huggie Smiles]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

They've pulled out another week of Gerry Adams niece's diary.

Monday. Stayed in, dad came down and f***ed me

Tuesday. Stayed in. Got f***ed by dad

Wednesday. Stayed in dad f***ed me doggy style

Thursday. Stayed in dad spunked on my face.

Friday. Stayed in dad gave my ar** a right poundin.

Saturday. Went to watch celtic play, wish i'd stayed in.

[bobjuice]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

What's the difference between BSE and PMT?

One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fookin mental, the other is some sort of farming problem

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I was talking to Pete Doherty the other day and he said, “When it comes to drugs, I’m addicted.”
I said, “I know, but don’t call me Ted.”

[GAVIN.MCAVOY]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.


Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some tosser wants to buy a half-head of lettuce.”
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager found the boy and said, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?”
“Originally from Essex, sir,” the boy replied.

“Why did you leave Essex?” the manager asked.

“Sir, there’s nothing but whores and footballers there.”

“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Essex.”

“No shit!” the boy replied. “Who does she play for?”