I'm bored. I don't know what to do with my days and nights. I just kicked my girlfriend out of the house. I hate that I did it, didn't want to do it, but absolutely had to do it. I don't know how to keep myself busy. I'm now alone each night and I don't know how to keep my mind occupied. I'm building a new deck on my house but it only helps while I'm actually doing it. There's so many other hours in the day that I'm stuck with. Sitting alone in my home is eating away at me and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm tired of the Internet. I sit on a computer for work 8-10 hours a day, and am fed up with looking at a computer screen all day. I'm tired of searching for new music. The past 7 years has been a constant hunt for new music, which occupied most of my time on the internet. I've reached a point where I'm never satisfied with what I find and I'm bored with what I have. I'm tired of being at home, but I'm tired of sitting in my car. I work from home during the day, and am at home during the night. I don't like going out and spending money at a bar during the week, but I don't like to be at home all day either. Especially right now. For the past few months it feels like I've slowly cared less and less about things around me. I've noticed the past few weeks it's starting seeping into work, too. My boss thinks I'm amazing but I feel like every day is stuck on repeat. I think today's groundhog day. I've reached the point where I don't give a shit what most people think about me. Probably good news. Especially strangers. I've reached the point where I'm fed up with sugarcoating everything I say. It's a waste of my time. Arguing with people seems to be much more worth my time and effort than going out of my way to avoid arguing with someone or hurting someone's feelings.
I desperately want to use my passport again. Last time I traveled out of the country was to Europe for 3 weeks for business. I had 90 hour workweeks and the most I got to look at was a few countries from my hotel, restaraunt, or workplace window. Even then it was awesome. I work from home so I just want to pack up and go somewhere for a month. Or multiple somewheres for multiple months. Work by day from hotel, and explore by night. I want to take a vacation and experience a deep dive in a country that doesn't speak english and soak up the culture. Most of all, I'm tired of seeing the same people when I go out, but never knowing anything about them or their lives. I can think of 100 faces (and maybe 15 names) that I only know on a handshake basis. I want to meet new people, and I want to see them more often than once a month by accident at a bar. People that just want to hang out, watch movies, talk bullshit and chill. People who aren't so much into themselves that they don't give the time of day to others based on their first impressions or on rumor's they've heard from other people. People who are willing to come to my house at times instead of what feels like the routine of always putting in the effort to go to someone else's house. Stangely enough, I also feel bad for my dog. I want her to experience just as many new people and places as I do. No matter what she or I do, she's always excited to see me. I know she'd share that excitement with everybody that she sees. I think I'm going to just start packing her up and taking her somewhere new every day. I guess exciting her every day should be best effort at keeping my mind from feeling at least somewhat stale.
end of rant. thanks.
I desperately want to use my passport again. Last time I traveled out of the country was to Europe for 3 weeks for business. I had 90 hour workweeks and the most I got to look at was a few countries from my hotel, restaraunt, or workplace window. Even then it was awesome. I work from home so I just want to pack up and go somewhere for a month. Or multiple somewheres for multiple months. Work by day from hotel, and explore by night. I want to take a vacation and experience a deep dive in a country that doesn't speak english and soak up the culture. Most of all, I'm tired of seeing the same people when I go out, but never knowing anything about them or their lives. I can think of 100 faces (and maybe 15 names) that I only know on a handshake basis. I want to meet new people, and I want to see them more often than once a month by accident at a bar. People that just want to hang out, watch movies, talk bullshit and chill. People who aren't so much into themselves that they don't give the time of day to others based on their first impressions or on rumor's they've heard from other people. People who are willing to come to my house at times instead of what feels like the routine of always putting in the effort to go to someone else's house. Stangely enough, I also feel bad for my dog. I want her to experience just as many new people and places as I do. No matter what she or I do, she's always excited to see me. I know she'd share that excitement with everybody that she sees. I think I'm going to just start packing her up and taking her somewhere new every day. I guess exciting her every day should be best effort at keeping my mind from feeling at least somewhat stale.
end of rant. thanks.
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