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Re: Joke of the day
nice way to start the day lmao
nice way to start the day lmao
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MERCURY SERVER IS MY LIFE -
Re: Joke of the day
haha...
two buddies are talking to each other. "i've been making a lot of freudian slips lately" one guy tells his pal.
"like what?" his friend asks.
"well, last week i asked a train conductor for a picket to tittsburgh".
"i did something similiar the other day," says his buddy. "my wife and i were having
breakfast, and instead of saying, 'honey, please pass the butter,' i said, 'you bitch, you've ruined my life.'""only dead fish swim with the stream..." Malcolm Muggeridge
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Re: Joke of the day
^geoff that one is one of THE classic jokes IMO! Always raises a smile!Comment
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Re: Joke of the day
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."
My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f---ing sheet rock..."
Stories like this just bring a tear to your eye.Comment
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Re: Joke of the day
time to crank up the gastronomy level here...
These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.
He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."
And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!!!"Comment
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Re: Joke of the day
don't you love the graphic detail? har har har
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Re: Joke of the day
the day after sean's weekend joke
Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.
They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."
The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"
The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment.
Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...
Chunks is my dog."Comment
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Re: Joke of the day
you are one sick mofo
that was pretty funny though
No Soup for YouOriginally posted by MiroslavComment
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Re: Joke of the day
^ best joke I've heard in a while.It's never too late to become the person you always thought you would be.Comment
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Re: Joke of the day
A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." So the woman replies " If your dick is as hard as your elbow, then I am staying in room 113."Awww...I didn't mean A holes, as in "A holes"...I meant it like, as in, my friends....Comment
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Re: Joke of the day
because all this religious talk is making me dizzy...
Students at a medical school were receiving their first anatomy class
with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery table
with a body covered by a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the
butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it. When everyone
finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people."
"only dead fish swim with the stream..." Malcolm Muggeridge
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Re: Joke of the day
thats nastyNo Soup for YouOriginally posted by MiroslavComment
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